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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

#20059533
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24858) - you deserved it (2523)

On 09/05/2012 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML

#20087864
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19078) - you deserved it (2890)

On 09/25/2012 at 8:13am - misc - by oreoblizzard619 (man) - United States

Today, I got fired for saving my company upwards of $6,000. I'm as confused as you are. FML

Today, I had just bought a new $60 basketball and decided to go try it out. Five minutes into playing, the ball decided to roll into the hands of a little girl, who then said, "Mine". I thought it was cute, until she skipped over to her parent's car and they drove off. FML

#20068584
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31271) - you deserved it (5123)

On 09/12/2012 at 4:52am - kids - by Bitchjackedmyball - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I had to suffer through a four hour flight beside my ex. Yesterday, I proposed, on the last day of our vacation. She said no. FML

#20083004
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32170) - you deserved it (2621)

On 09/22/2012 at 12:54am - love - by Flighted (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my teacher assigned us teams in a class debate. I landed on the team that had to argue the obviously wrong point of view. When I finished, my teacher told me and the entire class how much I disturbed her, and how I reminded her of Hitler and Napoleon. FML

#20058797
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26454) - you deserved it (2248)

On 09/05/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

#20064384
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27125) - you deserved it (6323)

On 09/09/2012 at 8:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my step-brother had some serious bowel distress and rushed to the bathroom. Because he forgot to quit his group chat with his buddies, I quickly found out that the reason he's so over-protective, and hostile to my male friends, is because he wants to get into my pants. FML

#20085042
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27774) - you deserved it (2098)

On 09/23/2012 at 12:50pm - misc - by creepedasfuck (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I asked my husband to watch our daughter while I ran a few errands. While he treated himself to a long nap, she decided our fish needed a bubble bath, and squeezed out an entire bottle of dish soap. I came home to bubbles all over the floor, five dead fish, and one sleeping husband. FML

#20088451
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25412) - you deserved it (2793)

On 09/25/2012 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I took a pregnancy test. I was disappointed it was negative, as my fiancé and I have been together for four years and have a strong relationship. He danced with happiness when he discovered the test was negative and tried to high-five me. FML

#20094767
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13957) - you deserved it (25241)

On 09/30/2012 at 5:30am - love - by BeforeItWasCool - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his parents. My boyfriend is Japanese, and I wanted to introduce myself in Japanese so I'd asked him. Little did I know he'd taught me how to say, "Hello, I love your son's cock." I almost got kicked out of their house. FML

#20075207
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28890) - you deserved it (3807)

On 09/16/2012 at 8:50pm - love - by painfetish8021 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML

#20091837
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26174) - you deserved it (3464)

On 09/28/2012 at 1:18am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I woke up to a bunch of email notifications confirming all the drunken purchases I made last night on Amazon. Most of them can't be cancelled. This is the fourth time in a month. An "ironic" wolf-howling-at-the-moon t-shirt anyone? FML

#20055119
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5404) - you deserved it (31279)

On 09/03/2012 at 1:24am - money - by DrunkenShopper (man) - United States (Washington)



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