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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

#20059533
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22243) - you deserved it (2284)

On 09/05/2012 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend requested that I shave my lips so I spent an hour in the shower carefully removing every trace of pubic hair. Turns out he wanted me to shave my moustache, not my carpet. FML

#20062588
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13290) - you deserved it (28699)

On 09/08/2012 at 12:03am - intimacy - by sasquatch (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had just bought a new $60 basketball and decided to go try it out. Five minutes into playing, the ball decided to roll into the hands of a little girl, who then said, "Mine". I thought it was cute, until she skipped over to her parent's car and they drove off. FML

#20068584
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28576) - you deserved it (4794)

On 09/12/2012 at 4:52am - kids - by Bitchjackedmyball - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML

#20091837
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23395) - you deserved it (3177)

On 09/28/2012 at 1:18am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his parents. My boyfriend is Japanese, and I wanted to introduce myself in Japanese so I'd asked him. Little did I know he'd taught me how to say, "Hello, I love your son's cock." I almost got kicked out of their house. FML

#20075207
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28439) - you deserved it (3768)

On 09/16/2012 at 8:50pm - love - by painfetish8021 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got fired for saving my company upwards of $6,000. I'm as confused as you are. FML

Today, I unintentionally moaned during my prostate exam. FML

#20092313
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32504) - you deserved it (6544)

On 09/28/2012 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, my teacher assigned us teams in a class debate. I landed on the team that had to argue the obviously wrong point of view. When I finished, my teacher told me and the entire class how much I disturbed her, and how I reminded her of Hitler and Napoleon. FML

#20058797
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24878) - you deserved it (2110)

On 09/05/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mum found out she's pregnant. I would be happy for her, if she knew who the father was. FML

#20060753
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23780) - you deserved it (1679)

On 09/06/2012 at 6:21pm - health - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I asked my husband to watch our daughter while I ran a few errands. While he treated himself to a long nap, she decided our fish needed a bubble bath, and squeezed out an entire bottle of dish soap. I came home to bubbles all over the floor, five dead fish, and one sleeping husband. FML

#20088451
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22571) - you deserved it (2525)

On 09/25/2012 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML

#20087864
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16780) - you deserved it (2631)

On 09/25/2012 at 8:13am - misc - by oreoblizzard619 (man) - United States

Today, my teacher told me that she couldn't find my hand-written essay on the Renaissance, and that I have to re-do it all by tomorrow. I later saw my essay on her desk, covered in a massive coffee stain that made virtually everything unreadable. FML

#20076161
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28256) - you deserved it (1577)

On 09/17/2012 at 12:05pm - work - by Anonymous - France

Today, I stumbled across "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" on TV and realized that these awful freaks are going to make more money than I ever will. FML

#20070573
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24790) - you deserved it (2562)

On 09/13/2012 at 6:29pm - money - by Anonymous - United States



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