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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

#20092519
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11993) - you deserved it (44774)

On 09/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, I was waiting for my wife in a mall when some kids came and sat near me, wearing band t-shirts. I recognized some, as I was into The Smiths and Black Flag in my youth. I tried to strike up a music-fan chat with them. "Fuck off, grandad" and "Ew, pedo" is all I got in return. FML

#20087854
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22880) - you deserved it (4127)

On 09/25/2012 at 7:54am - kids - by HenryRollinsForPresident (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML

#20069857
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28731) - you deserved it (3097)

On 09/13/2012 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Yesterday, I finally came to my senses and started using birth control. FML

#20074444
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7796) - you deserved it (52168)

On 09/16/2012 at 11:32am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, an incredibly rude woman came in for a hairdressing appointment. I had to put up with being yelled at and called a "clumsy bitch," a "pleb," and other insults for almost half an hour. When I finally managed to finish her hair, instead of tipping me, she spat at my feet and stormed out. FML

#20093857
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24189) - you deserved it (1893)

On 09/29/2012 at 4:34pm - misc - by scumdresser (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

#20056354
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17998) - you deserved it (23311)

On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

#20066447
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19731) - you deserved it (7086)

On 09/10/2012 at 5:20pm - work - by kevcng (man) - United States

Today, I found a tiny, featherless baby bird. I knew it was impossible, but I tried to keep it alive through the day. Before I could get it to the wildlife center, it died, and when I got all choked up over it, my mom started laughing at me and saying how "weak" I was. FML

#20077707
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23655) - you deserved it (4110)

On 09/18/2012 at 12:19pm - animals - by Birdwatcher (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend's transition into an annoying hipster is complete. It started with the not-really-necessary nerd glasses and the Mötley Crüe t-shirt, the final straw being the affected British accent. I'm considering where to dump the body. FML

#20086118
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24089) - you deserved it (2733)

On 09/24/2012 at 1:07am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I took a pregnancy test. I was disappointed it was negative, as my fiancé and I have been together for four years and have a strong relationship. He danced with happiness when he discovered the test was negative and tried to high-five me. FML

#20094767
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12537) - you deserved it (23394)

On 09/30/2012 at 5:30am - love - by BeforeItWasCool - United Kingdom

Today, as a pizza delivery guy, I was forced to see yet another naked 200 pound teenage girl with a serious case of body acne. They're starting to give me nightmares. FML

#20081849
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26234) - you deserved it (3040)

On 09/21/2012 at 6:57am - work - by scarred for life - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML

#20084737
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27225) - you deserved it (10860)

On 09/23/2012 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a stranger called me, saying I look hot in the bra I was wearing. When I hung up, thinking it was a joke, I opened the back door, and saw a man running away from my backyard. FML

#20079219
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28938) - you deserved it (1887)

On 09/19/2012 at 1:02pm - misc - by jitiizer (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)



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