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August 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML

#20024660
500 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10352) - you deserved it (144720)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my new husband is expecting two children: ours, due in January, and our 16-year-old neighbor's, due in March. FML

Today, I posted a Facebook status on how I hated the new Batman movie. I'm now single, and have received multiple threats. FML

#20009878
346 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14946) - you deserved it (36462)

On 08/08/2012 at 4:39pm - misc - by Deaththreat101 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML

#20015372
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28878) - you deserved it (1752)

On 08/11/2012 at 3:37pm - work - by mikeissad (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML

#20028986
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39926) - you deserved it (2696)

On 08/18/2012 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by sal (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I received a call from my future sister in-law, telling me that she and her future husband had decided to hold their wedding ceremony on my birthday. I was told not to celebrate my birthday, as it would "take away the attention to the true meaning of the day." FML

Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML

#19996782
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25811) - you deserved it (29309)

On 08/01/2012 at 4:59pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, thanks to a new form of birth control, I've now been having my period non-stop for six weeks. FML

#20022564
343 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33534) - you deserved it (3706)

On 08/15/2012 at 1:08pm - health - by theflow (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

#20027548
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31979) - you deserved it (1528)

On 08/18/2012 at 1:15am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got on an elevator at the mall, along with a twelve or thirteen-year-old girl talking on her cell. She spent the whole ride telling the person on the other end how hideous I looked and how I look like a pregnant sperm whale. I was too humiliated to even say anything. FML

#20001108
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24478) - you deserved it (3803)

On 08/03/2012 at 9:52pm - kids - by pimpslaprequired (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML

#20005230
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20959) - you deserved it (3849)

On 08/06/2012 at 2:37am - love - by shastadoe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML

#20024799
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6270) - you deserved it (37647)

On 08/16/2012 at 5:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "happy birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

#20009566
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31311) - you deserved it (3433)

On 08/08/2012 at 1:15pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)



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