Today, my boyfriend decided the best way to inform me of his shoplifting tendencies was to steal stuff while we were at Starbucks. FML
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Today, I had three sheriffs come to my door, turns out my boyfriend of three years went on a robbing spree last week and brought the stolen merchandise back to my apartment. The best part: He used my car while committing the robberies. FML
Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML
Today, my boyfriend stole a guy's cookie. As revenge, he stole my iPod. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend stealing money from my purse. He tried to turn it on me by claiming I'll owe him for the flowers he'll get me on Valentine's Day, then tried to make me feel guilty by saying the whole thing is for "selfish bitches anyway". FML
Today, while walking around the local thrift store, I noticed an attractive guy watching me and following me through the aisles. As he followed me to my car I was sure I would get his number. He then asks me to bring my purse inside as I had been tagged as a shoplifter. I work at the store. FML
Today, my grown up, unemployed boyfriend stole 70 dollars from my wallet and tried to hide it in two different places in case he needed to ditch me and go out by himself. He got angry when I confronted him and stormed out. He feels perfectly entitled. I work, pay rent and buy food. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating right after I maxed out my credit card buying him everything on his Christmas list. FML
Today, I learned why so much money has been missing from my credit card account. My boyfriend stole it, and has been buying toys for his 3 children. I never knew he had kids. FML
Today, I was shopping with my husband. At the self-checkout, one of the items I was buying for him as a gift didn’t register. As we were walking out, I get stopped and escorted to the loss prevention office, where I was accused of stealing. FML
Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML
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Top comments
Ray_of_midnight 22
He might have kleptomania, but that's OK. He can always take something for it.
frozen92_fml 12
Watch out or he'll steal your heart.
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Comments (74)
kyle4955 12
Well at least you got a drink
caohm 18
well it looks like he really put you in a hot spot lol amiright guys??.........guys?
hurtfeet 17
No.
Vagitarian1 10
You got a real keeper there.
Mooish 18
He could be stealing children.
PIGaming 21
Well that escalated quickly...
cryssycakesx3 22
no. it didn't.
wcc7777777 5
I for one, unlike the other responses, realized this was a joke. Props to you #12
ashingtondc 3
Did he steal your frappuccino?
Dt33345 13
What could you steal from Starbucks?
sourgirl101 28
CDs, coffee mugs, those yummy black & white cookies etc...
SpicyDuck 22
Mugs, coffee, all the stuff on display
joea21 21
What couldn't you steal from Starbucks? That place is a euphoria of stuff to steal for hipsters
AnOriginalName 19
Well it would be fairly easy to go up to the counter and take someone else's drink before they can grab it....
botanistjessica 24
Euphoria isn't a place. Therefore you cannot go to a euphoria. However, you can be euphoric.
joea21 21
I wasn't saying it was a place, I was saying there's so much useless crap for hipsters that creates a euphoria for them.
frozen92_fml 12
Watch out or he'll steal your heart.
Palirose 22
Smooth. Lol
DaMann360 19
He already did because he's OPs boyfriend
ethancano 11
Badum-tssss
randymontegut 5
So... What did he get at Starbucks?
Ray_of_midnight 22
He might have kleptomania, but that's OK. He can always take something for it.
DaMann360 19
Da dum, tsssss
Godsofdracos 15
If that was a hidden pun... Well played.
murythawn 13
That comment was as smooth as the skin on Terry Crews' pecs.
cryssycakesx3 22
and older than Betty white
murythawn 13
Well he is woefully misinformed about what is acceptable. I'm having a hard time thinking of when this would be a good idea.
randymontegut 5
This is one of those FMLs you can't deserve.
Godsofdracos 15
31 people and counting disagree unfortunately. Cold hearted creatures they are :c
VampOfSavannah 31
Be careful, shoplifting often leads to much serious crimes... Maybe even murder.
buttcramp 21
you need to lay off TV
VampOfSavannah 31
You need to learn sarcasm.
thejewishfuhrer 17
I think you need to learn sarcasm....considering the "sarcastic" comments you make.
buttcramp 21
apparently I wasn't the only person who thought you were being serious, with all those down votes.. sorry it went over my head.
StompinOnCrayons 15
This sounds like one of those anti - pirating adverts. "You wouldn't steal a car, so why steal a movie " , " Stealing a baby is a criminal offence and so is stealing a movie and watching it for free "