Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family for the first time. My mother's immediate reaction was, "We didn't know you were gay!" No mom, she really is a girl. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML
Today, my girlfriend met my parents for the first time. The first thing my mom said to my girlfriend was, "Honey, are you ok? You look like you got hives." FML
Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his mom for the very first time. After shaking my hand and looking me up and down, she loudly proclaimed, "She doesn't have the right hips to have kids." FML
Today, I introduced my mother to my new girlfriend. My mom made a very nasty comment about her in Spanish, not realizing that my girlfriend teaches Spanish at the local school. FML
Today, my mom showed to my girlfriend my naked baby photos. My girlfriend said, "Nothing’s changed." FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with, "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML
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Top comments
Beepbeep7 14
Wow your mother has issues.
Gearden 8
I think his mom is a bit ovary protective.
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Comments (130)
jrock9093 18
Thank you mom! Uncomfortable a little lol
Rainhawk94 27
a lot
MrSassypants 33
An average amount.
stephenseiber1 22
Nope not at all... Typical Tuesday afternoon for me
NeatNit 32
can you spell A-W-K-W-A-R-D? ;P
blackbeltpsycho 16
Why would I need to spell "Awkward" when you just did it for me?
Gingerette 8
You might be dyslexic?
tegraturbo2000 15
breast luck next time
broderickc 13
Why do people still write these comments?
DWordHead16 19
#17, because no one tries to make better puns/comments. Instead they're just like you, questioning the pun instead of trying to do better. (: or at least just thumb it down and move on.
CallMeMcFeelii 13
Some puns will never be retired, they're definitely not funny anymore, but they're classics. I'd prefer seeing a stupid pun as a comment rather than some new stupid ass Internet trend. I'm glad us fmlers share a common goal in eliminating the hash tag comments! Hell, I haven't seen one of those in months. Then that "plot twist" bullshit ran rampant for a day or so, and again, we had none of that. Stay classy, fml.
nooneherer 5
don't be such a boob
NeatNit 32
don't use fake insults. also, don't try to learn things on Nickelodeon.
suboy 10
I havent seen any FMLs from the perspective of other people in the FML in a long time either. Those were pretty much hit or miss.
mFUNdo21 17
plot twist: the plot twists WILL return... soon
slickchrome 11
suckled? mamas boy much
kelseythompson 27
Try breastfeeding? Doesn't make him a mama's boy
nichollelovins 18
You suck
iamabamf 17
Lol #5 just looks like a douche in his picture. Thought maybe he could've redeemed himself with a funny comment, but apparently not.
zandalee 19
Wow! So much hate people...
kelseythompson 27
#85 if you are going to uselessly add on to this stream of comments and call a girl fat based on her picture, which she doesn't look fat in at all.. maybe she should say no to thirds? Maybe you should say yes to a coat? Or is your blubber keeping you warm? Now its your turn to hate on my picture.. oh wait you can't :/.. DICK
NessaMae 19
I kind of, I said KIND OF, agree with 85 a little.. if she's going to judge someone by their picture, that isn't right. But judging back isn't very nice either.
slickchrome 11
50- if you think a picture that is in fact of me and my step daughter (I cut her out since I don't want her face on here) making silly faces as being a douche then yes, only somebody with a nickname "Iambamf" would recognize their own kind.
Infamous_Tora 12
And that, FML, is a burn. Please, apply cold water to afflicted area.
letmehavemytea 21
stewie604 is still a fuckface though. Making fun of people's weight or looks is a shitty thing to do, especially when they're grown men trying to put younger people down, it's just pathetic.
mFUNdo21 17
am I the only one who thought #5's pic was cute and quirky?
utrax 23
Aren't we all technically "mama's boy" (or girl for that matter)?
ReallyHottChic 14
That Is Awesome!! LoL
olpally 32
Not really, his mom is a creepy ass bitch.
iAlissa 34
Oh look, there's olpally again with his nasty comments.
noonenoeone 22
Never have I seen olpally contribute anything funny...why must he keep posting?!?
mFUNdo21 17
some of his comments are funny few. but they do exist. somewhere
Beepbeep7 14
Wow your mother has issues.
stephenseiber1 22
I think the mom was just trying to diffuse the situation and the son took it the wrong way...
Beepbeep7 14
Diffuse it how? That is way too creepy.Especially to say it in front of your son.
k_lylepad 19
Your mom's name wouldn't happen to be Jocasta would it?
diving_fml 30
Your mom has a good sense of humor.
ElricMustang 23
It's just a joke. Your mom has a sense of humor. Laugh a little, people.
rebellionwars 11
There was nothing funny about this, it was gross and sick.
ElricMustang 23
Well, I laughed, amongst many other people, so we all must be gross and sick
Anyb0dyTh 8
I LAUGHED my A$$ OFF. I wish my mom would do that! Lololololol Then later, I would definitely be sucking on my GF breasts :D It was obviously a lame attempt to break them up, but in my case it would only drive us closer together. Hahahaha. Of course we already know my mom is crazy and so does my GF. That would totally be the icing on the cake. Lol.
Weiss729 6
Weird on so many levels
grrhelpme 12
hahaha hope your gf has a sense of humor