Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my life became a lot more depressing. A while ago, some friends and I founded a "Forever Alone" club, because all of us were single at that time. I'm now the only member left. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML
Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself, "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard, "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud, or that I wasn't alone. FML
Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend of two years expressing my feelings for her. She responded with, "I'm going to bed." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML
Today, my dad has decided to that as a New Year's resolution, he's going to strive to wear pants less often. It's only been an hour and I can already tell it's going to be a long year. FML
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
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Top comments
junkman6 22
Life's all about having goals right?
Llamacod 11
The best way to start out any New Years is with an ******
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Comments (119)
junkman6 22
Life's all about having goals right?
JMichael 25
That's one hell of a goal to set. Try again next year OP.
thatADHDdude 21
Well, did you get it? I demand a follow-up!
masterof1 7
FAPPY NEW YEAR
ingridsoare 3
This comment had exactly 365 likes haha
Llamacod 11
The best way to start out any New Years is with an ******
MelTheGreat 23
Exactly. Better than mine because I slept right through the countdown.
challan 19
I agree. I'm 100% sure that OP wasn't the only one. Don't ask how I know.
ironmany_fml 23
The only way that you can be 100% sure that OP wasn't the only one is, if you were witnessing someone else doing it, or doing it yourself too... so which one is it.. ? ;)
sandraw1 22
#40, she said "don't ask", du'uh
JMichael 25
But that just reeks with the smell of please ask me, I'm itching to reveal my secrets.
challan 19
I work for the NSA.
dingleberrysteve 6
only if youre a child prodigy
doctorhook86 24
I'm genuinely not sure why #21 is being downvoted--she's right.
Beansforbill 14
Because it's a boring comment
DavidKnows 11
#49. GREAT response!
Melix 31
What a way to start the new year
BillMurray_fml 12
It WOULD be quite a feat to time that right. Keep setting the bar high for the rest of us, OP.
nyellow 6
Holy crap, it's bill Murray!
xSkittle 16
Making your own firework heh
arandomusernameaa 20
natural, biodegradable and free fireworks! and white for Winter!
Senseless_487 29
Fappy new year!
ThomasBombadil 31
Didn't Sting used to be into things like this? Guess you're in good company!
anythingmustbe 18
So you fapped once in the year? Amazing self control.
sybyabraham 17
He fapped continuously from 2013 to 2014.
bigdaddyeric 36
No, twice as it changed from year to year while fapping....
ComoEsJuan 24
Bringing in the new year with a bang!
martin8337 35
Self bang.
FrankHotpants 31
Achievement unlocked