Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend got a raging boner while looking around at a gun store. He hasn't had any sexual interest in me in months. FML
Today, I was at my job where we buy precious metals. A man came in and said, "Here, I have something special for you." He then pulled a tooth out of his mouth that had dental gold on it and placed in it my bare hand. Yeah, special indeed. FML
Today, my "boyfriend" told me that he loves money more than me and would date it if he could. FML
Today, I went into hysterics and started crying when my boyfriend pulled out a Tiffany's box at dinner. Then I found out he'd used the old box to make the $15 earrings he bought seem more "special." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
Today, I went to the bank to get a jar of coins exchanged for cash via a fancy counter machine. After 30 minutes I was handed a bag of rolling sleeves and was told to do it myself. Good news, I have a lot more money than I thought. Bad news, I have A LOT more coins than I thought. FML
Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he'd drive me to the jeweler's to pick out a ring. We drove there, I picked the ring, and the sales person rang it up. I glanced at my boyfriend, only for him to reply, "Well don't look at me!" FML
Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
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Top comments
ThatGuyWhoTalks 10
He gets turned on by money, now you know what to use to get him to have sex with you. Oh wait that's prostitution
niftyismybitch 21
maybe its just a roll of coins...
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Comments (95)
ThatGuyWhoTalks 10
He gets turned on by money, now you know what to use to get him to have sex with you. Oh wait that's prostitution
\ 28
He has developed paraphilia...
Kamon97 23
No wonder they call it cold hard cash...
zandalee 19
No actually I think in this case it's a lovely hard, warm wad! ;-)))
clever_name_here 7
Or dress up in a coin costume
Jandrarlon 2
A penny saved is a penny earned?
RoboCunnilingus 23
Good advice, thank you. I'll be sure to use that next time it's completely irrelevant to the topic at hand.
CallMeMcFeelii 13
Well if we're saying completely irrelevant phrases, I have to quote Bob Marley with this one.. "Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect and I don't live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean."
Gingerette 8
I think if we twist the context of thus fml by one or two degrees, that Bob Marley quote could be very relevant.
_Princess_Peach_ 9
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but more than two and its hard to poo
tanekdrachonae 19
He gets hard for the money, yeah so hard for it honey.
Rainhawk94 27
lol I imagine Dr Seuss writing this
tanekdrachonae 19
57- I think of Donna Summer singing it.
Welshite 39
You can't blame him, really. Being that close to soo much money...*ahem*...I need a moment.
ladypunk 8
I think OP is dating Mr. Krabs.
NoMore_CoolNames 14
The no **** wasn't needed
Rainhawk94 27
anything that comes after no **** is most likely very ****
niftyismybitch 21
maybe its just a roll of coins...
B_CeouL 12
This comment made my day :)
awkwardloveannie 28
he really enjoys money
DJisHere11 19
#6 Idk, how'd you come to that conclusion?
Pleonasm 35
"Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" "It's a roll of quarters. But now that you mention it, these quarters are getting me hard."
londoner86 13
one of the best FML comments ever seen. Way to take an over-used joke and turn it into pure gold
ArmlessSkydiver 7
Soon he will be dropping dimes
kayydb7 14
As long as you turn him on too, that's all I would worry about OP. :)
_parth 20
Money turns everyone on...