Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML
Today, my boyfriend decided he's asexual and dumped me on the spot. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he's convinced wearing boxer briefs instead of panties makes me a lesbian. FML
Today, my otherwise lovely boyfriend of a month showed his true colors. He freaked out when he learned that I use tampons instead of pads. He yelled that using them is like cheating on him, because his penis is the only thing that should ever enter me. FML
Today, my boyfriend lied about having herpes, and used it as an excuse to dump me. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me for a guy. I was the only one who knew he was bisexual. Now everyone thinks I "turned him gay." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he insists I bit his penis during sex, and that I'm a crazy, man-hating psycho. It’s not true, I’ve just not given many blowjobs before, my technique stinks, and my teeth touched his skin a little. FML
Today, I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am, because when he saw my actual boobs, he said, "Aaaaaaand they're gone". FML
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Top comments
kianaaa32 17
Count it as a blessing that he broke up with you, you don't want to be with someone that stupid anyways.
thomas5915 16
Well it sounds like he wouldn't know what to do with it anyway. Find a guy that does
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Comments (272)
kianaaa32 17
Count it as a blessing that he broke up with you, you don't want to be with someone that stupid anyways.
Misswildsides 22
*googles hermaphrodite*
kianaaa32 17
What relevance does your comment have towards mine?
Misswildsides 22
*googles hermaphrodite*
alliewillie 22
True, as long as he doesn't go around telling people you're a hermaphrodite.... That would be awful. You need to clear things up, THEN get rid of him for good.
XxDevilxXGt 26
He's in the Newbie stage. who knows how long until he reaches the level of figuring out girls don't pee out of their vaginas. That one's for the intermediate level.
GwennaRose 22
97 Just out of curiosity, what is the advanced level?
hooligyn123 18
#195.. The Female ******.
feelingold 18
Technically that's exactly what the ******** is. That's the part which develops (in the male foetus) into a penis. It's got the same nerve endings, which is why it's so sensitive....so maybe your idiot boyfriend is smarter than he realizes...
Vjewerica 9
I just logged in to write exactly the same thing.
FitFriday 32
Well then I leaned something new today
brackaman 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sounds like you two are too young to be doing anything in the first place.
ItsKennyBaby 9
Actually it sounds like the boyfriend was just really stupid
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
You'd be surprised how little some males know about basic female anatomy.
184886837272837 32
I know a girl who didn't even know where her own ******** was (she was 18)
Enslaved 36
An episode of "Sex and the City" made a few girls break out the hand mirror and look right then and there!
jem970 19
Guilty...
evilplatypus 38
48 - I believe that's also in Fried Green Tomatoes
Enslaved 36
Hmmm. Might be.(: all I truly remember about that movie is wanting to rear end those bitches that try and steal my parking spot! Lol
omg36 7
Haha! I thought that sounded familiar but I've never seen sex and the city.
brackaman 18
Well sorry about that. Where I live the ten year olds can give an unnervingly accurate description of the female anatomy. I'm not saying that you have to know how to use it, but if you don't know it exists that might be cause for concern.
nurchok 15
#36, did you show her?
prc_ 5
@22 I am more surprised about OP's country's school system. In here the first anatomy thingies are taught at 5th grade (11-12y old)... and on 7th or was it 8th grade they go into bit more details... and actually teach how to put on a condom (on a banana).
louiseth 9
159 - Nope, I'm also from Australia and we definitely had sex ed from grade 5 and onwards. The OP's ex boyfriend is actually just an idiot.
SugarSpunSister 8
See, I'm 29, and I wouldn't be able to put a conform on a banana without giggling. That's just mean.
SugarSpunSister 8
Condom. Damn morning eyes
Sylvasa 15
When I was 13, my teacher asked who wanted to do that. Then a mean girl pointed to me and said: "Sylvasa wants to!" The teacher then made me do so in front of the whole class. I failed, didn't hold the resevoir...
kewpiesuicide 29
What? You have to hold the reservoir? Thank God I'm a lesbian...
izzie321 27
Why would a child younger than 10 have an FML, let alone post something like this?
toalysium 15
It's ok, condoms do conform to the shape.
thomas5915 16
Well it sounds like he wouldn't know what to do with it anyway. Find a guy that does
challan 19
I've seen some big chacha's in ****, but dang girl, that's some national geographic stuff in your panties.
erockinthesuburb 17
Lol @ chachas. Let's all quote funny names for vaginas!
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
My mother calls it a fandango
kianaaa32 17
I once had a foreign student in one of my high school classes who pronounced it as "the fageena".
jem970 19
My mother and grandmothers always called it a rosebud.
Vashen 5
I like Elliott's name for it from Scrubs, "bajingo".
Enslaved 36
"Fandango"? Your mom must be a "Queens" fan. "Galileo, galileo Galileo figaro" :P
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Hoo-Ha for the win.
olpally 32
Snatch! :) giggity ;) lol
challan 19
I love bajingo... May steal that. However snatch? My punani is a tasty snack not a nasty snatch.
olpally 32
LMFAO!^^ oh my gosh...
buckdharma 37
I see a little silhouetto of a man
Enslaved 36
Scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango?
challan 19
Thunderbolts of lightning, her snatch is very, very frightening
buckdharma 37
Thunderbolt and lightning-very very frightening ME!
olpally 32
Bohemian rhapsody. Snatch style. Lol. Epic thread.
buckdharma 37
So you think if I touch it, it'll spit in my eye?
mariazzz 5
I call it moungie. I've heard it called a money box before lol
buckdharma 37
It's a tiny penis Anyone can see It's a tiny penis, It's a tiny penis to me
tnebert 8
a friend of mine called it her underground.
peanutfoo 19
My friend calls it little china:)
evilplatypus 38
Apparently a slang word for it in Spanish is Toto. Made for interesting times when one of the ESL classes at my school watched Wizard of Oz...
jkmartinjk 16
My grandmother calls it 'Jim Jim.' Awkward now that my aunt's boyfriend's name is Jim...
hotPinklipstick 24
I prefer to say vajayjay. My husband calls it my downstairs mixer, I never quite understood that though. Lol
cristy91 33
Cuban family so it's always been toto, bollo, chocha, or papaya
love_me_electric 20
I say "vagenie" sometimes, like a genie in a bottle. If you rub it, it grants wishes.
Prolux_fml 23
I say cooch :P
princess09 3
My family calls it "peacha" because according to them, it resembles a fuzzy peach.
nurchok 15
I like to call it "the girl's downstairs"
zango1 15
Some British terms for the female front bottom: Fanny (which is why American tourists talking about fanny packs leads to sniggering), muff, clunge, vag, bearded axe wound, clam
HannahLouise96 13
This is the best thread ever.
Wizardo 33
We call it the 'growler' or the 'beaver' or if its really hairy 'the bushy, Marxist, feminist ******', there's also the axe wound, pink taco, meat glove...
icryevrytime 7
You are forgetting the ever classy meat wallet and cum dumpster
anxietydisorderz 6
Hahahahahah!!!!!
kewpiesuicide 29
I thought it was called a pitterputt until I took sex ed. Thanks mom.. My girlfriends mom calls it a bug :/
buckdharma 37
Does it cum? Where's it go? Will you let me know?
WolfGirlRin 12
My family has always called it "chichi." Imagine how much I giggled when I first watched Dragon Ball.. I've also heard it being called a panooch. My friends mom calls it a cookie.. Thank god I'm a lesbian or I don't think I'd be able to eat cookies again.
hama806 19
We call it cooss cooss in my family, or coo coo for short.
kriz_allizwell 6
Love button :)
ardencred 7
Me gusta reggae Me gusta punk rock Pero la cosa que me gusta más es panochita
Evilfriend18 4
Pink Taco : D
cjwayy 22
I call mine my pikachu.
tommyfox 19
Idiots like him cause me to want to tear each of my hairs out individually and then jump into an active volcano because of the condition of the human race.
brackaman 18
You uh... Might wanna see a therapist about that..
SirMichael 13
I'd rather just throw him in the volcano.
Dusty_Busters 15
Daaaaaaamn! Take it easy
nurchok 15
#11, or "the rapist"
Zwingend 15
Was there a particular point in the courtship where he said "Are you, or are you not, a hermaphrodite?" If not, I say that you and your downstairs mix-up are totally in the clear!
imtooshy 18
Be happy, be very happy as he obviously has no clue about the female anatomy.
dead_insects 18
oh god... the stupidity is painful..
nattynatters 14
You're better off without an inexperienced, paranoid troll.
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
technically, isn't it ?!
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
Yes. If a Y chromosome was present it would have developed into a penis, but since there isn't girls have clits. This is the typical situation anyway since there is more chromosomal combinations than XX and XY. It still doesn't justify OP's ex calling her a hermaphrodite though.
jem970 19
Not necessarily. The right amount of hormones introduced during that stage of development could result in female anatomy instead of male. The XY and XX chromosomes does not always dictate the gender of a baby. There are men who are walking around with XX chromosomes just as there are women with XY.
jannatanelle 5
#13 from a technical point of view yes but then all females are hermaphrodites and his only choice would be to be bi or gay
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
Yeah 51 I did neglect that when typing my comment, thank you for adding that. The situation I was talking about was the more typical situation when the chromosomes match up to some extent, but yeah intersex people are not an uncommon thing.
silencebabyy 23
adding to what #28 said ...apparently the ******** is 8-11 inches inwards when not stimulated and gets erect and stretches even more when stimulated
CharresBarkrey 15
114 - Someone told you that and you actually believed it? There are internal structures directly behind the female clit, there is NO WAY it could be 8 inches long. That is literally the most outrageous thing I've ever heard.
Dusty_Busters 15
Lol yea true
andrekrivo 20
#130 if that's the most outrageous thing you've ever read then you better get off the internet. this is not the place for you ;p
kamikrazy 6
*goes to google*
kitkatmiaow 21
Actually #130, it's does extend back... The organ itself stretches round both sides and round the back of the uterus. When stimulated it tightens. It is a fairly recent discovery, made using new technologies that allowed for more detailed internal images of inside the human body ...
kewpiesuicide 29
I've seen this 3 inch long clit, of course they were on testosterone
slap_u_much 6
Yea. I thought that too.