Work: You're in the army now, oh ohoh, you're in the army. Now.

You're in the army now, oh ohoh, you're in the army. Now.

By LoveGlove - 21/06/2014 21:42 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 120

You deserved it 4 955

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Good one, thanks

By zackeryburch - 03/08/2013 13:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 481

You deserved it 6 541

By fingwhore - 27/07/2014 17:12 - United States - Greensboro

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 555

You deserved it 6 950

By Anonymous - 20/12/2012 21:49 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 421

You deserved it 6 537

By Help - 16/09/2011 16:20 - Australia

Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 062

You deserved it 2 043

By well then... - 15/06/2013 05:04 - Canada - London

Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 417

You deserved it 4 788

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

By Anonymous - 14/07/2020 02:00

Today, I was told by Amazon that a belt I had ordered was arriving. I grabbed an Amazon package out of the mailbox without even checking who the package was addressed to. I now have an awkward apology ahead of me for opening my stepbrother's box of condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 1 664

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 13:55 - Australia

Today, I was expecting my period. To avoid the embarrassment of everyone in the office finding out, instead of putting tampons in my bag, I hid one in my bra. It fell out while I was coming back from lunch. I am now known to all as "The Tampon Dispenser". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 944

You deserved it 34 022

By Confused lesbian - 16/07/2018 13:30 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 483

You deserved it 293

By Oops - 26/10/2018 12:00

Today, I went commando for the first time at school. It went really well until gym class, when I got distracted and changed like I normally do. I didn’t realize my mistake until my friends started laughing. I accidentally stripped in front of my whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 238

You deserved it 2 920

By ekaay - 16/01/2018 15:00

Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 043

You deserved it 997

mclauren29 22

Sunday 22 June 2014 11:38

Well love glove, it looks like it's time for some pay back.

mattb77 9

Sunday 22 June 2014 11:40

I guess this way the safety's always on....

Comments

keebler28 7

Sunday 22 June 2014 13:09

Things have changed since I've been in that they allow cellphones in boot. Not sure how the condom got there either.

PossiblyInDanger 24

Sunday 22 June 2014 19:46

You don't get your phone. FMLs must be written in present tense. This most likely happened in the past.

ElizabethHerrera 5

Sunday 22 June 2014 13:47

Thank you for serving our country love glove :)

weveallbeenthere 30

Sunday 22 June 2014 13:47

payback - you need to top that.

sarah77_fml 1

Sunday 22 June 2014 14:36

Idk what basic you go to but when I went we didn't get our phones or internet and condoms were considered contraband. You're lucky all you got was a dumb nickname haha

slyde32 12

Sunday 22 June 2014 14:41

why is everyone bitching about this guy having phone and internet access? every fml starts with "today" I haven't seen one that starts with "last month" love glove might have finished boot camp now.

Sabsnation 12

Sunday 22 June 2014 15:22

Agreed. Everyone keeps ragging on OP for having access to tech when that isn't even the point of the post, or telling him he got off easy and to quit bitchin. He's only posted to make us laugh, not garner hate from people. Stop it guys.

Brandi_Faith 33

Sunday 22 June 2014 19:51

Exactly! And serving is serving no matter what branch of the military you're in and they should all be respected! I can't believe how rude some people are being towards someone that is out there serving and who wrote an Fml for our amusement.

beaverteaser 16

Sunday 22 June 2014 15:13

you have internet access in boot camp? things have changed since I was in.

Jesswokethisfall 11

Sunday 22 June 2014 18:06

he probably wrote it long AFTER it happened

goody1987 10

Sunday 22 June 2014 15:25

This might actually be a youth boot camp. No military boot camp would get called "staff."

sartrow 8

Sunday 22 June 2014 15:27

I wonder what Captain Condom would say in this situation?

redbear15 8

Sunday 22 June 2014 15:43

If you're at boot camp how do you have access to technology? Must be army or Air Force because the navy and marines would never allow that.

PossiblyInDanger 24

Sunday 22 June 2014 19:48

As everyone has already said, FMLs must be written in present tense. This probably happened in the past, because no Basic Training allows cell phones.