Work: You're in the army now, oh ohoh, you're in the army. Now.

You're in the army now, oh ohoh, you're in the army. Now.

By LoveGlove - 21/06/2014 21:42 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 120

You deserved it 4 955

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Same thing different taste

Good one, thanks

By zackeryburch - 03/08/2013 13:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 481

You deserved it 6 541

By fingwhore - 27/07/2014 17:12 - United States - Greensboro

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 555

You deserved it 6 950

By Anonymous - 20/12/2012 21:49 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 421

You deserved it 6 537

By Help - 16/09/2011 16:20 - Australia

Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 062

You deserved it 2 043

By well then... - 15/06/2013 05:04 - Canada - London

Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 417

You deserved it 4 788

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

By Anonymous - 14/07/2020 02:00

Today, I was told by Amazon that a belt I had ordered was arriving. I grabbed an Amazon package out of the mailbox without even checking who the package was addressed to. I now have an awkward apology ahead of me for opening my stepbrother's box of condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 1 664

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 13:55 - Australia

Today, I was expecting my period. To avoid the embarrassment of everyone in the office finding out, instead of putting tampons in my bag, I hid one in my bra. It fell out while I was coming back from lunch. I am now known to all as "The Tampon Dispenser". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 944

You deserved it 34 022

By Confused lesbian - 16/07/2018 13:30 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 483

You deserved it 293

By Oops - 26/10/2018 12:00

Today, I went commando for the first time at school. It went really well until gym class, when I got distracted and changed like I normally do. I didn’t realize my mistake until my friends started laughing. I accidentally stripped in front of my whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 238

You deserved it 2 920

By ekaay - 16/01/2018 15:00

Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 043

You deserved it 997

mclauren29 22

Sunday 22 June 2014 11:38

Well love glove, it looks like it's time for some pay back.

mattb77 9

Sunday 22 June 2014 11:40

I guess this way the safety's always on....

Comments

allplayedout 20

Sunday 22 June 2014 19:13

If possible make sure they're all magnums, ultra ribbed, pleasure tipped, studded, flavored, etc Go big or go home, Love Glove.

nlow79 3

Sunday 22 June 2014 19:24

you ain't no Marine if you can have your phone in basic.

ProudDaddy 7

Sunday 22 June 2014 19:30

Don't see how this is that bad.

jh921971 10

Sunday 22 June 2014 19:31

Basic is all a game. They're payed to dick you around, you're paid to take it. The purpose is to make sure you can handle stress.

Tript 1

Sunday 22 June 2014 19:47

this is hilarious!

crazylou81 6

Sunday 22 June 2014 19:59

I would not do it since the punishment is sexual in nature and the nick is unwelcome. I would warn them they are looking for a sharp complaint which will end there life in the army.