Intimacy: Who knows?

Who knows?

By Anonymous - 08/02/2014 18:49 - United States

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 757

You deserved it 11 075

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/03/2012 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 760

You deserved it 13 668

Nosebleed

By bloody good time - 23/11/2019 05:00

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I have ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 188

You deserved it 251

By sucks at sucking - 15/12/2012 00:27 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 845

You deserved it 9 222

Really into it

By Anonymous - 08/11/2023 22:00

Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 201

Chemistry

By Anonymous - 21/01/2023 10:00

Today, I got my boyfriend's pants down for the first time and turns out my thumb is bigger than his erect penis. I already know he has weak tongue technique, but this is an extra slap in the face I do not need. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188

You deserved it 351

The heat of the moment

By righthook - 08/04/2015 19:56 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 880

You deserved it 8 644

Turn of phrase

By MiniJeans - 30/04/2015 02:25 - United States - Casselberry

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 302

You deserved it 12 293

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 06:59 - United States - Atwater

Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 590

You deserved it 2 696

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 282

By fungettingdressed - 12/10/2010 12:57 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 922

You deserved it 9 079

EdenCrystal 21

Sunday 9 February 2014 2:11

Well he won't be getting a peck on the cheek anytime soon.

fuckedPriceless 17

Sunday 9 February 2014 2:18

Why were you being so nosy?

Comments

xyluna 5

Sunday 9 February 2014 4:21

You call this asshole your boyfriend ?

verhelle21 8

Sunday 9 February 2014 4:26

I'd say you suck... but clearly you didn't... lol!!

ironhead_fml 20

Sunday 9 February 2014 4:35

That's a Hard Wood!

superdom 12

Sunday 9 February 2014 4:40

Cute

ReeceThePiece69 6

Sunday 9 February 2014 4:44

That's actually a pretty brilliant nickname.

FemskyD 26

Sunday 9 February 2014 5:40

He's a genius, that nickname is hilarious!! =D

Ksweety_fml 27

Sunday 9 February 2014 6:41

I don't know what's worse, that he gave you a nickname "WoodPecker" or he told his friends that you gave him head. I would've dumb him after that if I were you... Just saying.

BigJazz 7

Sunday 9 February 2014 6:46

Maybe instead of OP we start calling you WP? Lol

Saikon1357 25

Sunday 9 February 2014 7:17

Not cool for him to have shared that. Would definitely suggest telling him not to do that anynore

frizz101 22

Sunday 9 February 2014 9:38

If OP has to tell him not to share embarrassing moments about their sex life, he shouldn't have a girlfriend. You shouldn't have to tell someone not to share such personal moments, it should be implied.

israelnotjacob 20

Sunday 9 February 2014 8:20

Dump his ass. Only a complete douche bag would talk that way about his girlfriend. I guarantee he'll dump you once he gets bored, so dump him first so he's the one who gets hit the most by it.