Intimacy: Who knows?

Who knows?

By Anonymous - 08/02/2014 18:49 - United States

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 757

You deserved it 11 075

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/03/2012 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 760

You deserved it 13 668

Nosebleed

By bloody good time - 23/11/2019 05:00

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I have ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 188

You deserved it 251

By sucks at sucking - 15/12/2012 00:27 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 845

You deserved it 9 222

Really into it

By Anonymous - 08/11/2023 22:00

Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 201

Chemistry

By Anonymous - 21/01/2023 10:00

Today, I got my boyfriend's pants down for the first time and turns out my thumb is bigger than his erect penis. I already know he has weak tongue technique, but this is an extra slap in the face I do not need. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188

You deserved it 351

The heat of the moment

By righthook - 08/04/2015 19:56 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 880

You deserved it 8 644

Turn of phrase

By MiniJeans - 30/04/2015 02:25 - United States - Casselberry

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 302

You deserved it 12 293

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 06:59 - United States - Atwater

Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 590

You deserved it 2 696

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 282

By fungettingdressed - 12/10/2010 12:57 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 922

You deserved it 9 079

EdenCrystal 21

Sunday 9 February 2014 2:11

Well he won't be getting a peck on the cheek anytime soon.

fuckedPriceless 17

Sunday 9 February 2014 2:18

Why were you being so nosy?

Comments

dimple13194 10

Sunday 9 February 2014 8:31

Practice makes perfect!!!!!

Laxinitup 18

Sunday 9 February 2014 8:36

hmmm a nose job; that sounds interesting. Way to use your head...

TheRoyalBattler 5

Sunday 9 February 2014 11:57

Pecker-nose sounds better!

cchuckcloninger 5

Sunday 9 February 2014 12:23

Sex acts should not be for public consumption. If he tells now what will he do when you break up?

Merylwen 24

Sunday 9 February 2014 13:31

Sorry OP, but your boyfriend is a moron.

Kitten_Calderon 14

Sunday 9 February 2014 15:21

I don't know but if this happened to me I'd kind of laugh. I mean there are WORSE things to be picked on about sexually. Still I agree that, even though if I would laugh, it's not cool to just go tell his friends about your faux pas without considering your feelings. :s

slkeithh 14

Sunday 9 February 2014 16:10

Why the hell do women allow guys to go and spout that shit off to their friends likr they're 14 years old..

carebear97 1

Sunday 9 February 2014 18:19

I'm sorry, since when was it a woman's responsibility to control their partner's behavior? She should have been able to trust him not to share private details of their sex life. It is not her fault that he decided to act like a 14 year old, so if I were you I'd rethink the way you phrased that comment. ie "Why do men go and spout that shit off to their friends like they're 14 years old?". Thanks.

kingdomgirl94 29

Monday 10 February 2014 15:55

didn't you know 79, anything a man does is the woman's fault. he cheats? well she wasn't satisfying him. he spreads their sex lives around? well she should have kept control of him. of course if a woman does the same its her fault. wait what? you're telling me this makes every problem the woman's fault and never the mans? well damn, guess that means that people are full of bullshit and need to be slapped for their stupididty.

amypr 20

Sunday 9 February 2014 16:42

Sounds like a great way for him to ensure that you'll never be going down on him again.

sammyjanette 17

Sunday 9 February 2014 19:36

I wonder what the comments would have been if the girlfriend had called him Limpy because he couldn't get it up or something like that. What he did was INCREDIBLY demeaning, and to stand for that kind of behavior is disgusting.