Intimacy: Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming...

By morethanredhands - 21/05/2012 05:56

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 746

You deserved it 7 814

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 351

You deserved it 11 890

Wanker!

By EmbarrassedBather - 09/06/2019 00:00

Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 052

You deserved it 372

By XavierLing - 23/07/2019 06:00

Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 757

By Playaaa - 14/11/2015 22:08 - United States - Hollister

Today, I realized when I'm on my phone, I tend to play with my penis, even in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 413

You deserved it 28 699

By stewiesclone - 11/02/2010 09:09 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 950

You deserved it 3 047

By Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 040

You deserved it 2 945

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 422

You deserved it 739

By anonymouse - 09/03/2011 19:37 - Reserved

Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 907

You deserved it 42 593

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 19:18 - United States

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 740

You deserved it 37 947

By OhGodWhy - 29/12/2016 23:30 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 739

You deserved it 874

Lifes_a_bust 0

Monday 21 May 2012 12:06

What beat do you use?

Betz 10

Monday 21 May 2012 12:07

Did you grunt too?

Comments

OttersIsAwesome 8

Monday 21 May 2012 13:30

You drum with your thighs? Wow, you must be a master musician.

bigdog57_fml 9

Monday 21 May 2012 13:45

That happened to me...only I was in Walmart and I got the manager called on me

reddudeover 2

Monday 21 May 2012 13:50

I bet you were drumming "I can't get no satisfaction". (:,

AzWolf 5

Monday 21 May 2012 14:07

If you were drumming the solo in Wipeout, I doubt they would think you were wanking. If you were drumming a steady beat like the beat to a waltz then maybe.

muFilter 19

Thursday 24 May 2012 10:34

You fap in 3/4? Awesome.

Vociferouslife 4

Monday 21 May 2012 14:08

How is this FML worthy? I think the "moderators" are higher than Jean Claude Van Damme in "Sudden Death."

ManInTheMachine 19

Monday 21 May 2012 15:04

After the moderators finish voting on FMLs, the Staff choose which ones to publish. So essentially you're saying that the FML Staff don't know how to do their job?