Love: Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking... - FML

By royallymessedup - 21/08/2014 16:36

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 640

You deserved it 7 881

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Ad-s - 14/01/2009 05:01 - France

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 424

You deserved it 22 858

By Anonymous - 06/07/2013 11:26 - United States

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 713

You deserved it 6 793

By Sovekipisse - 15/06/2013 22:24 - France - Arthon-en-retz

Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 546

You deserved it 4 183

By Anonymous - 04/02/2013 01:20 - United States

Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 513

You deserved it 3 240

By Anonymous - 27/05/2014 19:26 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 768

You deserved it 5 496

By Thai that on for size - 25/09/2015 19:56 - New Zealand - Silverdale

Today, a guy kept flirting with me despite all my hints for him to kindly fuck off and die, so I lied and said I'm a lesbian. This didn't stop him. It got so bad, I had to claim I was born with a dick and say that's why I like girls. Only then did he say "Eeewww..." and back off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 419

You deserved it 2 664

By Isitreallythatbad, - 22/12/2013 05:37 - United States

Today, I went to a local bar for a speed dating event. The first person I hooked up with took one look at my face, burst into laughter, and walked out of the bar practically doubling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 527

You deserved it 3 646

By genderless - 17/10/2016 19:34 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, the person I was seeing asked to be just friends. A few hours later, they tried to talk me into having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 219

You deserved it 1 284

By Anonymous - 03/07/2015 19:29 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied by telling me to fuck off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 673

You deserved it 3 469

By Anonymous - 12/05/2014 00:14 - New Zealand - Napier

Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 805

You deserved it 7 816

Next

Top comments

rhysfucker 24

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:07

That's what he was hoping for.

mkstar13 13

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:07

He was probably a drunk asshole. That sucks OP

Comments

Omniprism 14

Friday 22 August 2014 18:03

That's funny.

haydenzare 4

Friday 22 August 2014 22:00

Penetrated

kittyfrozen 19

Saturday 23 August 2014 5:16

is that 2 typo in OP's nickname? that's really totallymessedup haha

hungergames164 7

Monday 25 August 2014 7:53

That sucks ass I'm sorry to here that but that would suck for anyone

VolitairianArrow 17

Tuesday 26 August 2014 23:27

that's a wording mistake I'd probably make apparently make accidentally. Lol

56codybanks 7

Monday 29 September 2014 4:49

"well ok then if you say so"

baka4815 21

Wednesday 15 April 2015 18:49

"I said please go the **** away" is what I'd do if he tried to do anything

fluffycatsdad 33

Sunday 22 November 2015 5:06

FYL, but depending on your tone, 'Please f**k away' is an EXCELLENT way to get rid of someone.

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Health Awkward Jewelry Kids Family Fight Love Work Relatable Students Noise Animals Birds Sleep Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Pregnancy Relationship advice Cheating Teenagers Friends Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Food Revenge Boredom

The Top

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend for cheating on me. I refused his calls, so he texted, not to apologize, but to say I'd "left some clothes in his suitcase"; i.e., he stole some of my clothes. When he didn't get the response from me that he was hoping for, he texted, "I'm wearing your shorts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 120

Today, after finally moving into a better neighborhood, my family and I were greeted by the elderly couple who live window to window to us. How? By hearing them have sex loudly and then praying for forgiveness even louder. Welcome to the neighborhood! FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 017

You deserved it 3 408

The Top

Today, while playing on stage, the singer of my band swung his microphone around, straight into my face. I now have stitches above my right eye, and a job interview in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 928

You deserved it 302

Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 727

You deserved it 80 940

Today, it was my first time sleeping at my boyfriend’s house. I happened to have an incredibly realistic nightmare in which I woke up to thousands of centipedes crawling all over my body. My boyfriend got to watch me scream and slap myself repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 98

Today, I bit into a piece of homegrown lettuce from my garden. Apparently, I'm not the only one to enjoy my produce, because I took a bite out of a small caterpillar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 878

You deserved it 10 327

Today, as always, I'm not allowed to like anything, be it a food, type of music, TV show, book, video game, or even a color, without my parents asking me to explain why I like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155

You deserved it 104

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 257