Love: Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking... - FML

By royallymessedup - 21/08/2014 16:36

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 640

You deserved it 7 881

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Same thing different taste

By Ad-s - 14/01/2009 05:01 - France

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 424

You deserved it 22 858

By Anonymous - 06/07/2013 11:26 - United States

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 713

You deserved it 6 793

By Sovekipisse - 15/06/2013 22:24 - France - Arthon-en-retz

Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 546

You deserved it 4 183

By Anonymous - 04/02/2013 01:20 - United States

Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 513

You deserved it 3 240

By Anonymous - 27/05/2014 19:26 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 768

You deserved it 5 496

By Thai that on for size - 25/09/2015 19:56 - New Zealand - Silverdale

Today, a guy kept flirting with me despite all my hints for him to kindly fuck off and die, so I lied and said I'm a lesbian. This didn't stop him. It got so bad, I had to claim I was born with a dick and say that's why I like girls. Only then did he say "Eeewww..." and back off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 419

You deserved it 2 664

By Isitreallythatbad, - 22/12/2013 05:37 - United States

Today, I went to a local bar for a speed dating event. The first person I hooked up with took one look at my face, burst into laughter, and walked out of the bar practically doubling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 527

You deserved it 3 646

By genderless - 17/10/2016 19:34 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, the person I was seeing asked to be just friends. A few hours later, they tried to talk me into having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 219

You deserved it 1 284

By Anonymous - 03/07/2015 19:29 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied by telling me to fuck off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 673

You deserved it 3 469

By Anonymous - 12/05/2014 00:14 - New Zealand - Napier

Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 805

You deserved it 7 816

Next

Top comments

rhysfucker 24

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:07

That's what he was hoping for.

mkstar13 13

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:07

He was probably a drunk asshole. That sucks OP

Comments

Aquila_Umbrae 26

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:47

Freudian slip perhaps?

worldclassrager 39

Friday 22 August 2014 0:06

So what happened next?

vikky538 28

Friday 22 August 2014 0:08

this FML needs a followup...

danny3227 14

Friday 22 August 2014 0:29

That's not gruel

moonbootz 7

Friday 22 August 2014 1:01

its okay OP to everyone...problem 1 tho. u were at a bar so its safe to assume u were at least a little tipsy maybe?

alyKATANA1 12

Friday 22 August 2014 1:04

Not gonna lie that's hilarious, and I'm gonna start saying that now :D

RastaZebra 8

Friday 22 August 2014 1:58

Who the hell votes YDI? Mormons?

GentlemanBastard 15

Friday 22 August 2014 3:07

*morons

DeathcoreDoge 10

Friday 22 August 2014 5:25

same thing.

mosnickers2 2

Friday 22 August 2014 2:08

Lol who tells someone to '**** off' in one breath and in the next says 'please'??

AcidicNerdyChick 6

Friday 22 August 2014 2:15

Please **** away dosent sound that bad i might use that one day.

808andheartbreak 16

Friday 22 August 2014 2:39

That's what I thought! The man would have easily read her tone.

DeathcoreDoge 10

Friday 22 August 2014 2:45

Fun thing to do, Exclaim go **** yourself, then look at them with a straight face and add "Like please, right now"

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The Top

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 915

You deserved it 44 866

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

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You deserved it 47 587

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285 860

You deserved it 68 136

Today, an hour into a family road trip, my mother informed me that she didn't put my suitcase in the car because it "didn't fit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 851

You deserved it 2 075

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I agree, your life sucks 879

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Today, I dropped and snapped a carving knife that’s been in my girlfriend's family for generations, and is used to carve the meat every Christmas. I'm a huge coward, so I hid it back in its box but when it gets taken out again Christmas Day 2022, I think I’m a dead man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 1 436

Today, I had my first job interview and didn’t have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn’t speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 243

You deserved it 1 654

Today, my girlfriend moved to Germany for her Master's degree and perhaps a PhD. I'm still stuck in this third world mess which we call India. I simped for her and agreed that she can have non-serious relationships with other men. I'm so broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 1 167