Intimacy: Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's... - FML

By coldwetnose - 09/05/2011 06:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 214

You deserved it 18 906

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Puppy Loverr - 25/08/2011 07:12 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 430

You deserved it 4 840

Manchild

By Anonymous - 02/11/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years thought it would be funny to squat above my head completely naked while I was sleeping. When I woke up, his asshole and ball sack was in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 287

So hot

By bonesniffer - 16/09/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I crawled into bed, naked, wanting to get some, and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass, and said "Oh…" then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 772

You deserved it 6 037

By wookieewhosshe - 19/03/2019 13:00 - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, my building's fire alarm went off. Unfortunately, this coincided with sexy time, and the loud alarm made me jumpy, making it extremely difficult to untie my naked boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 117

You deserved it 383

Cheeky

By woopdeedo_1 - 07/03/2010 19:56 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 152

You deserved it 3 601

Gettin' some

By Username - 01/05/2011 08:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 502

You deserved it 46 392

By Anonymous - 14/11/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 292

You deserved it 4 652

That was quick

By Anonymous - 09/09/2012 12:03 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Spicy

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 551

You deserved it 6 818

You tried

By Loveless - 10/09/2009 06:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 152

You deserved it 5 694

By fetch boy.. - 05/08/2013 05:28 - United States - Bellmore

Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 518

You deserved it 18 314

Next

Top comments

MilanKing 0

Monday 9 May 2011 12:01

you're lucky it was only his nose.

Fish_999 0

Monday 9 May 2011 12:01

haha u enjoyed it really!

Comments

musicchick1712 0

Monday 9 May 2011 17:42

The dog was just saying hello...

loski87 4

Monday 9 May 2011 17:50

I hope you won't be into ********** after this incident.

bladomas 2

Monday 9 May 2011 17:56

nice

cymruambyth 0

Monday 9 May 2011 18:03

could of been something a whole lot different

tilgare 2

Monday 9 May 2011 18:05

That's odd, I thought this was FML, not "Random Bullshit That Happened to Me. "

thecovert 7

Monday 9 May 2011 18:20

One must clear the hole before insertion.

Lac2501 2

Monday 9 May 2011 18:33

surprise butt secks??

nana7_fml 0

Monday 9 May 2011 18:49

haha

chris9884 0

Monday 9 May 2011 18:51

fail

TraceCase_ 19

Monday 9 May 2011 19:11

Gooooose!

6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15

Keywords

Work Management Awkward Miscellaneous Friends Healthy Lifestyle Health Relatable Mother in law Gifts Money Birthday Family Education Public freakouts Parents Pranks Students Exams Weird Love Argument AITA Fear Insects Skincare Cats Job interview Jealousy Gross

The Top

Today, I was supposed to be working from home. Instead, I ended up taking the kids out to the park for the morning, because my wife “couldn’t even” today. When we got home, she had demolished two bottles of wine, and was masturbating to a home improvement show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 983

You deserved it 312

Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 048

You deserved it 39 411

The Top

Today, my girlfriend invited her sorority sister, who fled an abusive relationship, to live with us without asking me. This wouldn't be a problem, but her friend is easily two points hotter than her and…. thirsty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 1 847

Today, despite having the choice of several bowls of clean water in the house, as well as puddles and ponds outside, my cat was drinking out of a pot I was soaking in the sink. She doesn’t seem to mind the taste of dish soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 110

Today, the girls from my high school still think they are too cool to associate with me. They ignored/avoided me in high school, assuming I was too weird. We could have 96+ mutual followers from our class and I still only get accepted without a follow back. What have they heard about me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 485

Today, I had to serve my boyfriend's father with a restraining order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 790

You deserved it 2 005

Today, I went to the doctor because of the redness and swelling of my penis, hoping that it was just a minor rash or allergic reaction. Nope! According to the doctor, who could barely stop herself from laughing, it's good old-fashioned friction burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 043

You deserved it 1 985

Today, I woke up after taking the new sleeping pills I was prescribed for my insomnia. I slept for 12 hours and had 5 missed calls from my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 205

You deserved it 2 861