Intimacy: Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg...

By Danny - 07/01/2012 10:27 - Australia

Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 789

You deserved it 44 297

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 100

You deserved it 10 949

Knackered

By Anonymous - 25/11/2021 08:01

Today, when I got home from work exhausted and literally ready to fall over, my mom had me carry several heavy bags of dog food for her. Yesterday, it was coals; before that it was horse feed and gas bottles. Before that, I'd just asked her to keep the hard, physical work to the weekends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 213

Big Mac

By Raiden - 10/03/2013 16:03 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonald's everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 576

You deserved it 5 332

TMI

By Autumn - 18/12/2017 01:30

Today, while discussing my vegetable garden, my father's new girlfriend announced that she loves vegetables in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 315

You deserved it 414

By mynameislor - 09/02/2010 14:26 - Canada

Today, my mum was saying she needs to gain weight because she was underweight according to her doctor. She then said she's going to eat like me in order to gain more weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 231

You deserved it 7 418

By iGreen - 09/07/2011 14:34 - Canada

Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 538

You deserved it 3 617

By anonymous - 08/10/2011 20:40 - United States

Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 556

You deserved it 17 491

By preggo - 04/12/2009 00:02 - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 986

You deserved it 4 186

By concernedson - 12/09/2010 11:34 - Australia

Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 568

You deserved it 4 933

Meat

By ohmyx3 - 30/04/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 612

You deserved it 10 061

Awahso 25

Saturday 7 January 2012 16:19

Okay, come on now. That's hilarious.

ICATiger 13

Saturday 7 January 2012 16:20

Tell her carrots make you horny.

Comments

ankoku 2

Tuesday 10 January 2012 21:22

The only thing left to do now is escalate the conflict by banging on the table while your family watches and tell your mom the next move is on her

lost_ginger 7

Wednesday 11 January 2012 1:00

LMAO! This actually made me laugh out loud sitting in the doctors office, Mom win!

ragnarokkkk 0

Wednesday 11 January 2012 1:05

Your mom wins.

kyliekjf 0

Wednesday 11 January 2012 5:29

pounds

Haaskyle 2

Wednesday 11 January 2012 6:09

Sounds fair, you shouldn't have sex until marriage anyway!

theguynooneknows 0

Wednesday 11 January 2012 6:16

i would have been like well then, whats up dock and grabbed a carret

bajadad 5

Wednesday 11 January 2012 6:32

Ask for more carrots. Tell her 20 lbs is not enough!

BabyMimi00 12

Thursday 12 January 2012 2:33

You're right, 20lbs is not enough... good thing it's 20kg. This is pretty funny though. You should just buy your own food really.

chevyrider20 0

Thursday 12 January 2012 17:47

Look at her and tell her that you test drive the car before you buy it not once but several times

picturescrazy 24

Sunday 15 January 2012 0:32

Ewww, have some respect for your mother and don't make her have to hear you two going at it D:

Swisscakes 0

Sunday 15 January 2012 23:07

You should have grabbed a carrot and said "now I have some business to attend too"

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The Top

Today, I sat at work for eight hours daydreaming about the homemade four-cheese ravioli I would come home to after spending three hours making it from scratch the night before. When I finally got home and heated the ravioli, I dropped it all over my feet, giving me second degree burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 319

You deserved it 2 767

Today, at work in a liquor store, a man came in to demand a refund because after he "drank the whole bottle of Jack" he "couldn't get it up" for his wife. He thought that alcohol was supposed to be an aphrodisiac, and blamed me personally for his "whiskey dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 982

You deserved it 3 134

The Top

Today, I overheard my mother telling a friend she got me oven mitts for Christmas. I got her two cruise tickets. I hate to cook. Which she knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 430

You deserved it 3 160

Today, I was listening to music while I wrapped Christmas presents. All was going well when the music was cut off, literally. I snipped the cable to my very expensive headphones in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 222

You deserved it 35 029

Today, a week after spending most of my paycheck on a down-payment and rent on a new apartment, I found out the "landlord" I paid was a scammer. Turns out the real owner was away on vacation, and he'd stolen most of her stuff before showing me the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 791

You deserved it 1 391

Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 195

You deserved it 5 241

Today, I was showing my Mom how to use the Internet on her phone. As there was bad reception, it said "Unexpected Failure." Seeing it, she muttered under her breath, "Just like you, then..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 930

You deserved it 3 095

Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 960

You deserved it 4 345

Same thing different taste

Knackered

Big Mac

TMI

Meat

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