Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't...

By failure - 08/04/2011 05:24

Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 727

You deserved it 80 942

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Same thing different taste

By Joey - 04/06/2016 18:52 - United States - Apo

Today, I took my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's apartment for her to exchange his spare car keys for some of her grandmother's items. I waited outside in the parking lot for an hour, with no idea which door was his. She came out no longer a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 167

You deserved it 2 637

Why would you stick that there?

By Co-B - 03/09/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 872

You deserved it 61 034

Stuck

By Forgetfull - 02/02/2010 17:07 - United States

Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 748

You deserved it 26 620

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 681

You deserved it 10 543

By GrandTheftArson - 09/03/2016 03:51 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 180

You deserved it 1 581

By cockalicious - 01/03/2011 05:29

Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 707

You deserved it 5 020

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 17:09 - Philippines - Makati

Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 088

You deserved it 32 259

Great night out

By Boyufd - 02/05/2022 04:00

Today, I had an amazing date with my girlfriend. Everything was going great, until I locked my keys in the car. It then started raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 181

By seththing - 22/05/2016 03:49

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 098

You deserved it 3 173

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 09:11 - United States

Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 117

You deserved it 2 543

Cinn_fml 22

Friday 8 April 2011 12:15

That's one way of doing it. But there is probably a better way of telling you what you need to give her.

Give_Linux_A_Go 28

Friday 8 April 2011 12:14

Just do oral I guess? Or, like the guys above me are saying, take something of hers!

Comments

jadee000 0

Friday 8 April 2011 16:45

That sounds like a fair trade

boredinnapoleon 0

Friday 8 April 2011 16:49

...you have got to be gay...

xMRxLAMAx 0

Friday 8 April 2011 16:54

What a *****

Picking_Kuppies 0

Friday 8 April 2011 22:34

Totally, since having sex with *one* person makes you a *****.

vita987 0

Friday 8 April 2011 17:06

LMMFAO I bet he decided to walk

rhpsfan9 10

Friday 8 April 2011 17:08

looks like you'll be staying there for a while (:

vita987 0

Friday 8 April 2011 17:11

some people are selfish lovers, maybe she was just sick of it, shit!

thisdue1775 0

Friday 8 April 2011 17:13

make a spare key

TinyDude 10

Friday 8 April 2011 17:18

U prolly have a tiny weiner for her to say that. No offence.

xXxJaGsTeRxXx 11

Friday 8 April 2011 17:29

OP learn to get down there!!

sydneynadiabibi 0

Friday 8 April 2011 17:41

why are you complaining ? you got to get it in before you left !

Keywords

Transportation Awkward Cars Embarrassing Kids Family Babysitter Relatable Thief Money Mental health Health Depression Wanker Work Love Bodyshaming Annoying Vacation Students Parenting Intimacy AITA First Dates Singing Animals Cats Public freakouts Weddings Cops

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Today, I noticed mold on my toothbrush. I have no idea how long it's been like that. I told my husband about it via text, and all he could say was, "Welp... ew." We've had a mold problem for years and I'm constantly sick. I also mentioned this and he sent me a shrugging emoji. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 127

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I agree, your life sucks 44 476

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I agree, your life sucks 23 943

You deserved it 4 188

Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 259

You deserved it 4 358

Today, my mom bumped into a table with a glass vase on it. Seeing that the vase was about to fall, I lunged to catch it. Before I got there, the vase fell and shattered, resulting in me diving into the broken shards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 934

You deserved it 5 936

Today, the men clearing the walkway outside my dorm room, with a snowblower didn't realize that my window was open. I looked over from my computer to see snow shooting in, covering my clock, closet, and radio. And now it's melting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 981

You deserved it 16 916

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 547

You deserved it 6 840

Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 897

You deserved it 3 910

Same thing different taste

Why would you stick that there?

Stuck

Great night out

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