Love: Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting... - FML

By highfive - 17/10/2014 01:27 - United States - Dedham

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 342

You deserved it 7 121

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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By Anonymous - 09/04/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that he could predict my periods because he keeps track of when I'm at my bitchiest each month. This wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so accurate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 684

Surpriiiiiiise…

By Anonymous - 13/05/2022 12:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he might want kids one day, and he most definitely does not. In fact, he even thanked me for reminding him we need to stock up on condoms when we go shopping, plus he’s even considering a vasectomy just to make sure. I’m already pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 740

By MandMandM - 19/07/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I told him, he impatiently said, "Is it over yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 535

You deserved it 6 161

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 22:08 - United States - Marsing

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 454

You deserved it 12 271

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 05:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend clearly stated that I was "useless" when on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 480

You deserved it 8 106

By uninspired - 28/01/2009 11:47 - United States

Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 377

You deserved it 2 276

By anon. - 17/01/2012 23:41 - United States

Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 141

You deserved it 8 780

By Great. - 18/05/2012 15:05 - United States - Billings

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 003

You deserved it 5 338

No kidding

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 18:41 - United States - Portland

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 909

You deserved it 10 860

By Jessie - 22/08/2019 12:01 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 871

You deserved it 321

Next

Top comments

Pwib 14

Friday 17 October 2014 10:01

Can you really give it "five" if it doesn't have a hand?

Misshhh 23

Friday 17 October 2014 10:02

One word: Condom

Comments

TurquoiseJesus 15

Friday 17 October 2014 19:23

Im not really seeing the issue here. He doesnt presently want kids, so hes celebrating the little occasions in life, which I think is a pretty healthy way to live one's life.

nemcali 34

Friday 17 October 2014 19:33

What about start using condoms?!

ostfaiz 18

Friday 17 October 2014 20:32

hope this continues ..

ac21714 4

Friday 17 October 2014 21:37

next time he does that, high five his penis with ur fist

ephram17 24

Friday 17 October 2014 22:40

Not seeing how this is an FML.... sorry.

Vannessa_arianna 4

Friday 17 October 2014 23:07

Maybe make him put a condom on?

FranticLol101 11

Friday 17 October 2014 23:15

More like an eye five

dragonrider1959 18

Friday 17 October 2014 23:28

You are lucky not to be cursed with his offspring. Also, why did you start dating him!

zombiekiller52 24

Friday 17 October 2014 23:57

You could tell him that you are late and just string him along for fu.

demonfacee 14

Saturday 18 October 2014 0:11

At least there's condoms. (:

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The Top

Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 409

You deserved it 2 826

Today, I'm a graduate of a wealthy public school in So Cal. It astonishes me how many of my classmates don’t see a problem with today’s politicians, or gas, rent, and food prices. I was given shelter but had to earn everything I had growing up. I knew I wasn’t crazy though they acted like I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 102

The Top

Today, I finally realized why my 9-week-old puppy was going to the bathroom so much. I went to pick up the food bag and realized she had chewed a hole in the bottom, and eaten half of the bag in the last 4 days. Goodbye 30 pounds of dog food, and 100$ for a vet visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 378

You deserved it 1 784

Today, I got a new, short haircut. Now I look like my little brother who died two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 124

Today, I put my perfectly-broiled steak portion in the microwave to keep it from the cats while it rested. I accidentally hit "cook" instead of "timer". My perfect rare steak is now almost perfectly half-leather and half-charcoal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 847

Today, I almost burned the house down while changing a lightbulb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 256

Today, my husband’s coworker made lunch for him again complete with a “cute” note. I cook every day, but somehow this single woman finds it appropriate to cook and pack lunch for my husband. When I told him it needs to stop, he said I was being too jealous, and she’s just a nice lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 134

Today, I was playing Drawful with my parents and a few friends. We were having a great time, until one of us got a drawing prompt about God. The game doesn't let you use capital letters. As a result, my uber-religious mom went on a massive tirade about not being able to capitalize "God," completely ruining the game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 86