Intimacy: Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and...

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 226

You deserved it 7 197

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Same thing different taste

By Dying Son - 05/04/2019 12:00

Today, as I was sitting on a bench thinking about an upcoming test, some hysterical woman slapped me out of nowhere because she thought I was staring at her ass. I was staring blankly into the void. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 074

You deserved it 180

Trance

By carly rose - 26/05/2023 15:00

Today, I was yelled at and beaten up for staring at a woman’s breasts. My medication causes me to stare off into space and I didn’t even realize I was staring at another person until it was too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 173

It's not what you think

By lifedoessuck12 - 19/07/2009 14:13 - Philippines

Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started daydreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone came up to me and said, "Try not to be so obvious." Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 893

You deserved it 11 762

By Anonymous - 03/07/2019 21:00 - Canada

Today, I was so zoned-out, I shouted a hello to the chair in the staff room. It's the third time today I've mistaken an inanimate object for a person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 284

You deserved it 521

By perverted teenage girl - 29/11/2016 21:51

Today, my crush was giving a presentation in class. I zoned out and began staring off into space - which happened to be in the exact direction of his crotch. When I realized what I was doing, I quickly looked up at his face. He was already looking at me, with an expression of severe discomfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 090

You deserved it 1 894

By OPforonepiece - 19/02/2016 14:38 - Netherlands - Delft

Today, I was talking to a customer and I actually fell asleep for a couple of seconds. I can honestly say she wouldn't stop talking and didn't even notice me snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 092

You deserved it 2 818

By bitchimgay - 22/07/2012 16:48 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 114

You deserved it 2 333

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 362

You deserved it 34 841

By AVeryConfusedGuy - 11/05/2017 22:00

Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 777

You deserved it 605

Child labor

By great parenting pal - 11/08/2020 02:01

Today, I was dining out with friends. I saw a mom instructing her young child to go to empty tables and take whatever cash had been left. I discreetly told the manager. He confronted the woman and pointed right at me. As she was being thrown out, she tossed a very heavy mug at my head. It hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 288

You deserved it 230

Iamnotmyself 17

Thursday 11 August 2011 12:08

Last time that happened to me it was a transsexual, her name was Alecia. Best hookup of my life, although her legal name was Billy, our love was real and true. So two days went by and as our passion reached new heights she caught me hitting on the cashier in walmart. We broke up shortly afterwards. She's now with boners.

imustbeinsane 2

Thursday 11 August 2011 12:13

oh god lol i completely forgot what the fml was after reading that

Comments

Mirorbo 26

Thursday 11 August 2011 12:39

Conceited bitch... I get those all the time whenever I have lunch in the food court or any sort of crowded public place. If I'm exhausted, I zone out when eating, and someone I just happened to have been staring at will suddenly make a scene or will throw something at me. I guess my sudden flinch isn't hint enough that I was not paying attention...

bizarre_ftw 21

Friday 12 August 2011 0:50

Whoever you are may I just say: You're awesome! And I suggest sunglasses. ^_^

swasticop 0

Friday 12 August 2011 3:57

Adding sunglasses? Creepiness factor up +30

BrettJ 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 12:45

Well, it happens to the best of us.

Legendslayer222 26

Thursday 11 August 2011 12:46

What? She didn't realize when she went round to slap you and you were still staring blankly ahead of you?

rattusrattus 18

Thursday 11 August 2011 12:51

I once zoned out and did that. I wasn't in Alaska though. :(

onthetoilet 3

Thursday 11 August 2011 12:55

That's what sun glasses are for

cupcakesnpot 9

Thursday 11 August 2011 13:01

I zoned out once in the mall,except when I came back to I was staring at a guy sitting a few tables over and by the look on his face I creeped him out a bit!

Jasonf6 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 13:24

assault charges...'nuff said.

Ldesu 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 13:24

Snap back to reality, Oh, here goes gravity.

pvtpilot 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 16:52

Love that song!

TheDrifter 23

Thursday 11 August 2011 13:24

No, women look at... the wallet.

perdix 29

Thursday 11 August 2011 13:56

You should have popped your collar, said, "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" and asked for her number. This seems to work for coffee-shop douchebags.