Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I...

By Karl - 21/02/2011 11:43

Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 744

You deserved it 5 967

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Same thing different taste

By Lilragu97 - 26/07/2012 05:14 - United States - Exeter

Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 359

You deserved it 2 392

Slasher

By Anonymous - 09/09/2013 17:44 - United States - Sylvania

Today, my mom bumped into a table with a glass vase on it. Seeing that the vase was about to fall, I lunged to catch it. Before I got there, the vase fell and shattered, resulting in me diving into the broken shards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 934

You deserved it 5 936

Mistaken identity

By Guess I was wrong - 16/03/2020 06:23

Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 400

By Chris - 03/04/2011 17:41 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 646

You deserved it 4 120

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 803

You deserved it 4 714

Compassion in action

By annie the witch - 27/09/2023 22:00

Today, my boyfriend died. I was crying in my room when I heard a knock on my door. I thought it was my mom coming to comfort me, but instead she yelled and screamed at me for doing the dishes wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 86

Spooked

By awkwardpartybear - 04/01/2014 23:43 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 841

You deserved it 17 634

By ohfantastic - 25/01/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 675

You deserved it 2 370

By BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 628

You deserved it 32 841

By Rob - 07/11/2018 03:00

Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 840

You deserved it 379

Megalomania_fml 0

Monday 21 February 2011 19:11

It's your moms fault for not telling you about her new boyfriend. I'd do the same.

adjacent 2

Monday 21 February 2011 19:13

Mom: hmm I think its a good idea to let this big burglar looking guy in the house without my childrens knowledge, obviously they'll know its my BF!

Comments

alyssa_briana 0

Tuesday 22 February 2011 3:59

lmfaao ; thats tooo funny . soundss like something i would do .

chaywood13 0

Wednesday 23 February 2011 2:38

i think it proves he has good reflexes, and common sense.

Y2KPacious 0

Tuesday 22 February 2011 4:53

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

jansdo 1

Tuesday 22 February 2011 6:10

At least he won't dare molest you.

undesKriptive17 0

Tuesday 22 February 2011 7:31

dammmmm:/ lol did u atleast put da vase back where u got it from?? lmfao

Ynunez 3

Tuesday 22 February 2011 7:46

haha xD damn sucks to be him :P

zebraface 15

Tuesday 22 February 2011 7:53

awesome

JenL_fml 7

Tuesday 22 February 2011 22:52

Who says Karl is a girl? o.O

chaywood13 0

Wednesday 23 February 2011 2:36

hey, at least you didn't call the cops on him. THEN she would've been mad.

meeba 2

Wednesday 23 February 2011 4:55

hows this an FML? mor like an LOL

takemewithy0u 0

Wednesday 23 February 2011 17:47

That's what she gets for dating! You showed them!!!

taradeborde87 3

Tuesday 24 April 2012 0:13

Seriously?!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was told by my sister over the dinner table that some guy is telling people I’ve had sex with him; that’s not even the worst part. He’s telling people my sister walked in. One, I haven’t talked to him in years; two, he’s really not my type, three, I’m in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 96

Today, one of my roommates blew a fuse by running a personal heater on full overnight. I notified our landlady that I had to get a new fuse; she came over to pay me for it. Only as I heard landlady's horn did I see another roommate's girlfriend's car; she stayed overnight and isn't allowed to. Both roomies got evicted and blamed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 91

The Top

Today, after spending 5+ hours of my life painting a portrait of someone's cat for them, I finally finished it, perfect condition, no mistakes. I was supposed to be paid 300 bucks for it. Got 50 bucks because it was too "vibrant." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 754

You deserved it 233

Today, I've finally gathered the courage to tell someone I have schizophrenia. My ex-friends found about it and decided to make fun of me for it by saying that "maybe I have an attention seeking disorder too" and spreading it among our peers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 562

You deserved it 265

Today, I have an Army fitness test. I was worried I'd cramp up during the last mile of the run, so I drank a large amount of water in preparation. I later woke up in the very small barracks that I share with three other people, soaking in a puddle of my own piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 579

You deserved it 6 528

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 252

You deserved it 7 798

Today, I tripped on a step that said "Watch your step." Two hours later, I hit my head on a sign that said "Mind your head." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 551

You deserved it 14 693

...and just like that, the weekend was over.

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 76