Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I...

By Karl - 21/02/2011 11:43

Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 744

You deserved it 5 967

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Same thing different taste

By Lilragu97 - 26/07/2012 05:14 - United States - Exeter

Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 359

You deserved it 2 392

Slasher

By Anonymous - 09/09/2013 17:44 - United States - Sylvania

Today, my mom bumped into a table with a glass vase on it. Seeing that the vase was about to fall, I lunged to catch it. Before I got there, the vase fell and shattered, resulting in me diving into the broken shards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 934

You deserved it 5 936

Mistaken identity

By Guess I was wrong - 16/03/2020 06:23

Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 400

By Chris - 03/04/2011 17:41 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 646

You deserved it 4 120

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 803

You deserved it 4 714

Compassion in action

By annie the witch - 27/09/2023 22:00

Today, my boyfriend died. I was crying in my room when I heard a knock on my door. I thought it was my mom coming to comfort me, but instead she yelled and screamed at me for doing the dishes wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 86

Spooked

By awkwardpartybear - 04/01/2014 23:43 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 841

You deserved it 17 634

By ohfantastic - 25/01/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 675

You deserved it 2 370

By BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 628

You deserved it 32 841

By Rob - 07/11/2018 03:00

Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 840

You deserved it 379

Megalomania_fml 0

Monday 21 February 2011 19:11

It's your moms fault for not telling you about her new boyfriend. I'd do the same.

adjacent 2

Monday 21 February 2011 19:13

Mom: hmm I think its a good idea to let this big burglar looking guy in the house without my childrens knowledge, obviously they'll know its my BF!

Comments

breena25 0

Thursday 24 February 2011 1:48

haha

PCredman 2

Thursday 24 February 2011 6:01

that there is awesome :D

domosumo 0

Thursday 24 February 2011 16:25

Nice work, Karl! Did you knock him out cold..??

j_cat187 19

Thursday 24 February 2011 22:56

yid for not using the buckshot

hallow239 3

Saturday 26 February 2011 3:51

hahahahahaha

PWNjaban 0

Saturday 26 February 2011 13:15

That's pretty awesome! You say the guy is huge and you still went at him! EF HIS LIFE!

Chatts 0

Saturday 26 February 2011 17:07

poor guy didn't know what was coming :(

xoxoMEGANxoxo 13

Saturday 26 February 2011 20:49

I would have totally done the same thing haha except I would have probably been more violent....except in this situation u did the right thing.

cryssycakesx3 22

Tuesday 20 May 2014 3:42

I bet...

Sherminator234 0

Sunday 13 March 2011 8:24

.... Akward....

neilf1969 7

Thursday 21 July 2011 6:31

dam

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The Top

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage, and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 270

Today, I'm a graduate of a wealthy public school in So Cal. It astonishes me how many of my classmates don’t see a problem with today’s politicians, or gas, rent, and food prices. I was given shelter but had to earn everything I had growing up. I knew I wasn’t crazy though they acted like I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 103

The Top

Today, my boyfriend tried to whimsically serenade me by throwing rocks at my apartment window and singing. He got the wrong window. Another guy answered, and now he thinks I'm cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 965

You deserved it 3 332

Today, despite having the choice of several bowls of clean water in the house, as well as puddles and ponds outside, my cat was drinking out of a pot I was soaking in the sink. She doesn’t seem to mind the taste of dish soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 110

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh". Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 748

You deserved it 4 457

Today, my boyfriend posted pictures of him at the bar last night with his ex. And ones of them in her bed this morning. I guess we're sleeping with other people? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 136

You deserved it 2 141

Today, my minivan broke down on the side of the highway. I'm out of work and can't afford a cell phone, so I resorted to standing at the back of my van holding a "HELP" sign. About an hour went by, in which time I was passed by a cop car, a firetruck, and a car that said "Roadside Assistance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 916

You deserved it 3 676

Today, while entering the building I live in, I walked into my neighbor who winked at me and said last night must have been great. After I asked why, he said he could hear my girlfriend moaning and screaming, and that I must be pretty good at it. I was just coming back from a week overseas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 335

You deserved it 3 416