Intimacy: Today, I went to my girlfriend's sorority formal, we were both...

By Lootz - 03/05/2009 17:10 - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's sorority formal, we were both drunk. We went into the bathroom, she started to give me head. After about 30 seconds the song changes and she jumps up and goes out to dance, leaving me there. Door open. Penis out. It was the song she requested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 376

You deserved it 20 147

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Same thing different taste

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 816

You deserved it 26 454

Crazy best friend

By Anonymous - 05/12/2019 18:00

Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, and my drunk best friend knocked on our door. We screamed 'go away' and she still opened the door. She then saw us, and asked if she can join. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 705

You deserved it 739

By H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 600

You deserved it 88 939

By Bliss - 09/02/2009 18:24 - United States

Today, I gave my drink to a girl who I got with previously and started to dance with her. She backed off after a few seconds, took my drink and danced with my friend who was standing right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 008

You deserved it 5 904

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 086

You deserved it 7 089

Tasty

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 20:00

Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 774

You deserved it 280

Karaoke Dinner Disaster

By Jonathan Park - 05/03/2020 09:06 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I went on a first date. She got plastered within the first hour, then a song came on in the restaurant and she told me, "This song's about meeeeee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 438

You deserved it 163

By cumguzzler - 06/03/2009 16:14 - United States

Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden. Five minutes later, my friend told me that the girl had just given him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 666

You deserved it 11 924

Careless Whisper?

By InsultToInjury - 28/12/2018 04:00

Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 094

You deserved it 1 241

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 606

You deserved it 4 790

trackrunner525 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:05

lmao, that sucks man...blue balls :-p

coloradodude12 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:06

Ouch. But she was drunk.

Comments

eevee_fml 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:02

Dr_Jalepenos 0

Friday 8 July 2011 1:19

did someone take her place?

shimmyya88 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:05

Oh man, that sucks. I guess next time you're down on her stop 1/2way through when she's enjoying it.

bobmandude 0

Sunday 28 February 2010 18:06

Now that is comedy!

NatDancer2010 0

Monday 24 May 2010 5:47

hahaha I like this for some reason lol

VSOLORIO 0

Friday 28 May 2010 13:37

lmao :)

CrazyDutch 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 13:52

your face looks like a pig... oink oink :-P

mikepzz 27

Monday 16 February 2015 23:18

That's not very nice..

trackrunner525 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:05

lmao, that sucks man...blue balls :-p

pu13 5

Sunday 13 June 2010 8:12

lmao that sucks man double post

asoptavlo14 6

Tuesday 22 November 2011 5:27

Lmao that sucks man Combo Breaker.

trackrunner525 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:05

lmao, that sucks man...blue balls :-p

coloradodude12 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:06

Ouch. But she was drunk.

shellstation 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:06

I'd have to agree with her.

slutsstud 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:07

what about other sorority sisters?.. they wouldn't have minded either, I'm sure... finish giving u head that is. lol

survivalism 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:07

So what's it like having a girlfriend who's a complete *****?

cadh22 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:08

sucks dude

what_the_fail 0

Thursday 4 February 2010 1:54

He's doing better than most guys.....

Shadic 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:09

Gotta agree with #8 there.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 052

You deserved it 372

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 681

You deserved it 7 123

The Top

Today, my 8-year-old son told me to grow a pair and man up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 356

You deserved it 7 716

Today, my parents got a call from my English teacher. She told them that I have 14 days of detention because I've been cutting class. I've been there every day, but apparently she never noticed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 391

You deserved it 3 170

Today, after pulling an all-nighter studying for an exam, I caught the bus to college. On the way there, the bus decided to make sweet love to a taxi, creating a pile-up and a traffic jam. I didn't make it to the exam in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 030

You deserved it 2 283

Today, I just pulled out of the fast food drive through, only to pull right behind a septic truck. Just as I was about to dig into my food, I noticed it had a handy window about a foot round. I had a stare-down with a turd until I could pass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 152

You deserved it 3 999

Today, I covered a 10-hour shift for a sick coworker. Glad to earn some extra money for the holidays, I went to clock out. I hadn't even clocked in when I first got there at 7 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 983

You deserved it 16 411

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 510

You deserved it 3 874

Same thing different taste

Crazy best friend

Tasty

Karaoke Dinner Disaster

Careless Whisper?

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