Love: Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends...

By Anonymous - 06/06/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 244

You deserved it 45 072

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Same thing different taste

No third base for you

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 251

By moo... - 18/05/2013 02:59

Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 489

You deserved it 13 203

By anonymous - 19/11/2016 18:35 - Canada - New Westminster

Today, I was eating lunch on my first date with a really pretty girl, when my ex shows up at the same restaurant and starts telling her how bad of a boyfriend I was. My date left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 362

You deserved it 1 504

Hi-de-hi

By Droolgirl - 26/05/2009 01:25 - United States

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 251

You deserved it 46 552

Choked

By embarrassing - 15/07/2021 18:01

Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 155

By newmoongirl1036 - 13/07/2015 02:03 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the last minute he informed me a friend would be tagging along. To keep his friend from being a third-wheel, I kept up a conversation, and managed to piss my date off. He thought I would be a better match for his friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 960

You deserved it 3 354

Denial

By Lady Bloodshart of the Redwater - 15/07/2016 20:27 - United States - Arlington

Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 685

You deserved it 1 018

By anonymous - 14/09/2010 07:57 - United States

Today, while at dinner with my current boyfriend, my ex walked in with his new girlfriend. The waiter put them at the table next to ours, and the two of them had a front row seat to me spilling an entire guacamole salad on my lap out of nervousness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 303

You deserved it 6 910

Impressive, dude

By Anonymous - 06/02/2023 15:00

Today, I was on a first date at high-end Indian restaurant. I tried to impress my date by ordering the spiciest dish on the menu, only to find out it was way too hot for me to handle. I ruined the entire meal by coughing, choking, and drinking five gallons of water with tears streaming down my face for at least 40 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 1 931

Grossed out

By tiaox - 04/06/2021 11:01

Today, I went on a date with an amazing girl. The date was going well, until she started eating. Although her mouth was closed the entire time, she somehow still made the loudest, most disgusting chewing noises I’ve ever heard. I felt bad about dumping her over that, but I just couldn’t continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 248

avalon24 18

Saturday 6 June 2009 9:51

That's so gross, you shouldn't talk with food in your mouth.

Eros_fml 0

Saturday 6 June 2009 9:54

i think he deserves to put his sausage in your taco for that one

Comments

InspiredByGaGa 8

Sunday 7 June 2009 3:09

YDI for knowingly attempting to talk with food in your mouth.

loto_fml 3

Sunday 7 June 2009 4:51

YDI for having no manners.

lifewithsarah 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 5:17

ahahha i'm sure it worked though.

REDCRAYON 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 5:51

Whatch your manners next time

HAHAHSUCKS4YOU 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 6:24

It's true u should never talk with your food full of mouth

likeduhhx4 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 7:55

LOL@ 13.

jasminelol_ 0

Monday 8 June 2009 4:08

.... at least you made things more interesting....haha.

maggie_gxx 0

Monday 8 June 2009 6:41

haha there were 69 comments on here before i commented.

maggie_gxx 0

Monday 8 June 2009 6:41

haha there were 69 comments on here before i commented.

Nintendork 0

Wednesday 10 June 2009 4:18

Aah, so what happened next? Is he really into chicken???

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The Top

Today, I drove to a job interview. I had to sneeze, but because I was driving on the highway, I didn't let go of the wheel to cover my mouth. I didn't know the sneeze was a "productive" one until I was sitting in the interview, looked down at my new blouse, and saw the giant lugie sitting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 409

You deserved it 8 930

Today, I found out that if you put tea bags into a cup of hot water, the tea bags will melt. The result: You get to drink and chew tea leaves at the same time, with little bits of actual tea to help make them go down. 0/10, do not recommend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 414

The Top

Today, while surfing facebook I noticed someone in my network had recently shifted his relationship status from undeclared to "single." We've been dating exclusively for nine months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 556

You deserved it 2 646

Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 654

You deserved it 5 978

Today, I read an article about the top 10 worst jobs this year. This list includes my degree and three of my main skills and interests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 738

You deserved it 5 596

Today, I woke up and the sun was blinding me through my attic window. I have no blinds so I got a poster from my wall and stuck it to the wood on my window with nails. Turns out I have wood rot, and my entire window fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 077

You deserved it 4 777

Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 003

You deserved it 3 155

Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 298