Animals: Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends....

By MJ3105 - 07/05/2009 11:36 - Israel

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 168

You deserved it 153 027

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Same thing different taste

By #201 - 05/02/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 466

You deserved it 16 549

By pass me the fucking rope - 18/06/2016 13:17 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 442

You deserved it 932

Surprise strike

By Anonymous - 28/06/2020 20:02

Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 364

You deserved it 169

From a great height

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 21:59

Today, I was sitting on the back porch with my husband. I felt two raindrops land on my head, so I said we should go inside because it was starting to rain. It turned out to just be a bird shitting on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 93

Nice bird

By Sick - 01/01/2020 01:00 - Netherlands - Ede

Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 985

By poopedon - 26/04/2009 03:10 - Canada

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 988

You deserved it 18 149

By yuck - 09/12/2018 03:30 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was out riding and a seagull pissed on me. It got in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 621

You deserved it 237

By Anonymous - 04/08/2016 21:25

Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 995

You deserved it 15 565

Spice

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 956

I am very hungry

By I'mSoHungry - 11/01/2020 08:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, a bird flew into the workshop where I work, gave itself a tour of the place, then promptly pooped on my lunch and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 326

You deserved it 197

youmakemyday_fml 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:07

ughh...why would you eat something that landed on the table anyway?? wouldn't you wipe it off with a napkin...

ozymandias_fml 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:09

You are a disgusting person. Even if it was mayo, that is disgusting. Who a) eats random condiments they find b) especially when splattered on a disgusting public table?

Comments

jumpgurl23 0

Friday 8 May 2009 9:46

mayo is gross dude.

Azlin_22 0

Friday 8 May 2009 15:22

YDI!! Why the hell did you lick something off a public table in the first place????!!!

ilikerainbows 0

Friday 8 May 2009 16:08

i bet you chew used gum you find under tabletops too. you sound like a winner.

InspiredByGaGa 8

Friday 8 May 2009 17:21

why on Earth would you want to lick something that's been on the table? mayo is distgusting, what's even more disgusting than mayo is the fact that someone would lo0ve it enough to wipe it off the table, and suck their finger. YDI

danielleFML 0

Friday 8 May 2009 17:30

gross mayonnaise YDI ughughughugh so grossed out

Luca90 0

Friday 8 May 2009 17:30

I dont understand why you ate something off the table anyway, surely that's almost as bad as it being birdy poo.

antiquark 0

Friday 8 May 2009 18:23

STEP AWAY FROM THE TABLE FATTY!

kisseshugsdrugs 5

Friday 8 May 2009 19:32

@ #127: at least you didnt wipe something off the table, thats truly a fyl, but this is just disgusting. i want to meet this person so i can punch this in the head repeatedly.

coffeennicotine 0

Friday 8 May 2009 23:38

That would be disgusting even if it were mayonnaise. YDI for being gross.

pineapples_fml 5

Friday 8 May 2009 23:54

c'mon, are you really that stupid! wow, YDI for doing that on a table in a restaurant outside- and for not noticing it was bird shit BEFORE you so abruptly stuck it in your mouth