Intimacy: Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked,...

By not a dick-man - 12/08/2014 17:05 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 718

You deserved it 31 539

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By sammy18f - 24/02/2015 03:46 - United States - Brentwood

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 104

You deserved it 3 780

By menerethrr - 05/02/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name "Mom" is right next to "Mike" in my contacts list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 954

You deserved it 53 353

Early learner

By Michele - 18/01/2010 00:32 - United States

Today, while babysitting a six year-old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his undies and pointed at his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 584

You deserved it 4 049

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 487

You deserved it 11 066

Hey you

By pappy - 03/05/2019 13:00 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my friend asked me if I flirted with any girls during our shift. I said, "No, not any I could think of." He then told me there was a note on my windshield that said, "Call me" with a phone number on it. After my shift, I went to my car excited and read the note. It was just a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 960

You deserved it 308

By betchyo - 01/10/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 791

You deserved it 5 503

By notgay - 12/02/2013 02:30 - United States - Alfred

Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 532

You deserved it 39 009

By what - 25/09/2013 14:42 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 914

You deserved it 8 828

By Thanks dicks - 07/09/2018 06:00

Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 727

You deserved it 363

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 229

You deserved it 96 427

powelale0000 19

Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:50

He probably thinks you're a dick now.

wopchop12 8

Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:51

Why was his dick hanging out?

Comments

katieizbeast 6

Thursday 14 August 2014 4:38

I did that once omfg he freaked

_heavenlysasa 16

Thursday 14 August 2014 7:16

Well.....yeah....

Fukkme 8

Thursday 14 August 2014 7:44

Or pull it for that matter lol #96

youthfulryan123 3

Thursday 14 August 2014 19:25

you handled that head on

Fuzzy_peaches21 12

Thursday 14 August 2014 22:23

Uhhh that kinda akward if I was ur friend I would be weirded out to tell what it is

cappellaaa 23

Thursday 14 August 2014 22:43

OMG hahahaha that's just hilarious

ohSNAPyall 26

Friday 15 August 2014 14:27

Great Scott! It's Bon Scott!

AFaye3964 17

Saturday 16 August 2014 6:47

It wouldnt be as bad if you were a Chick.. but you're not, So your life sucks!

TooGayToComeOut 7

Saturday 16 August 2014 19:53

I would have knowingly done it and pretended I didn't.

kcgatsby 8

Monday 18 August 2014 13:18

Wtf, why did you poke it at the first place!

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Today, my roommate started packing up for when we move out in August. Thirty boxes later, I realized she's leaving me with only a dishtowel and a skillet while she traipses through Europe for the summer. She even packed the silverware. And the curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 359

You deserved it 476

Today, I had to call social services after a couple once again brought their baby in with severe allergic reactions. His allergy? The family dog. These idiots would rather let their kid die than get rid of the stupid mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 120

The Top

Today, my boss fired three of the four other people who were going to work with me on Black Friday in my department. Now it's just me and a new hire. My boss doesn't see a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 325

You deserved it 1 525

Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 301

You deserved it 2 820

Today, my roommate decided to throw a huge party in the early hours of the morning. I have to start at my new job soon, a window just got smashed, and I'm tired as hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 463

You deserved it 4 102

Today, my husband is going on his 5th consecutive day without a shower. He’s been working 16-hour shifts, and though I'm empathetic to his exhaustion, his foul body odor has overtaken the bedroom and his excretions have discolored his side of the bed. I fear the worst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 285

You deserved it 392

Today, hours after being turned down for sex, I woke up to my boyfriend sitting at the computer, jacking off to a picture of my deceased mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 752

You deserved it 4 649

Today, on my first day off in months, my stepdad woke me up at the buttcrack of dawn, screaming at me to “get my lazy ass up” and start doing some chores. I guess pretending to still be asleep didn’t make him to go away, because I then felt hot water seeping through the blankets and onto my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 161

Same thing different taste

Early learner

Hey you

Great chat!

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