Intimacy: Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked,...

By not a dick-man - 12/08/2014 17:05 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 718

You deserved it 31 539

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By sammy18f - 24/02/2015 03:46 - United States - Brentwood

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 104

You deserved it 3 780

By menerethrr - 05/02/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name "Mom" is right next to "Mike" in my contacts list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 954

You deserved it 53 353

Early learner

By Michele - 18/01/2010 00:32 - United States

Today, while babysitting a six year-old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his undies and pointed at his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 584

You deserved it 4 049

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 487

You deserved it 11 066

Hey you

By pappy - 03/05/2019 13:00 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my friend asked me if I flirted with any girls during our shift. I said, "No, not any I could think of." He then told me there was a note on my windshield that said, "Call me" with a phone number on it. After my shift, I went to my car excited and read the note. It was just a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 960

You deserved it 308

By betchyo - 01/10/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 791

You deserved it 5 503

By notgay - 12/02/2013 02:30 - United States - Alfred

Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 532

You deserved it 39 009

By what - 25/09/2013 14:42 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 914

You deserved it 8 828

By Thanks dicks - 07/09/2018 06:00

Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 727

You deserved it 363

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 229

You deserved it 96 427

powelale0000 19

Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:50

He probably thinks you're a dick now.

wopchop12 8

Tuesday 12 August 2014 22:51

Why was his dick hanging out?

Comments

headofmedusa 15

Wednesday 13 August 2014 4:34

Plot twist: the bulge was in his back pocket.

ryukk420 1

Wednesday 13 August 2014 4:35

that makes you gay. you're gay now. get use to it

metheonlyb 17

Wednesday 13 August 2014 4:44

For fucksake Mike. Don't touch dicks. :D

frankhobz 14

Wednesday 13 August 2014 4:55

Was his dick named mike or was the friends name mike?

vikky538 28

Wednesday 13 August 2014 4:58

thats ri"dick"ulous... and you poked it...

sharpshooterben 13

Wednesday 13 August 2014 5:04

What was goin through your mind?

PokeZilla 9

Wednesday 13 August 2014 5:06

Guess you found out the HARD way, huh?

HavockWalks 2

Wednesday 13 August 2014 5:51

Aaahahaha!!! That's funny as ****!!! Pissed myself laughing at that one!!

christi_im21 12

Wednesday 13 August 2014 5:55

Tf after all those is that ... In your pocket or you're just happy to see me jokes you touched it

alicat13 12

Wednesday 13 August 2014 6:08

So,... he likes you... :-)

Keywords

Gamers Annoying Video games Birthday Relatable Abuse Money Scams Social Media Education Kids School Parents Health Public freakouts Mental health Grieving Music Geek Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Cops Transportation Family Fight Gross Customers Work

The Top

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 337

You deserved it 15 970

Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother, and my mom texted me, asking to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 457

You deserved it 2 906

The Top

Today, during a boat trip with my boyfriend's family, I got seasick and went to the side of the boat to puke. A current rocked the boat so badly that I fell overboard, prompting a panicked rescue and my boyfriend's mom muttering that I'm a pathetic attention whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 140

You deserved it 5 069

Today, I discovered that the upside of losing weight is that men have started hitting on me. The downside? They're all twice my age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 698

You deserved it 4 408

Today, I decided to give my boyfriend one last chance at fixing our failing relationship. Instead of talking about how to fix our dying relationship, he decided to game all day and ignore me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 244

You deserved it 1 915

Today, I went to the chiropractor for a check up. She was going through some of the ways to help my posture and mentioned something that I've never heard before. My fat ass thought it was a type of food. Turns out it was a sports routine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 623

You deserved it 2 988

Today, my son tried to swat a fly with a hammer. Our apartment walls are now littered with dents and holes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 569

You deserved it 4 773

Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. We decided to play chicken and I was on the shoulders of the guy I like. Right as we started playing, for some unearthly reason my body decided to let out a little pee. I thought he wouldn't notice since we were already wet. He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 559

You deserved it 18 755

Same thing different taste

Early learner

Hey you

Great chat!

Top comments

Comments