Intimacy: Today, I reassured a close friend that he could tell me anything.... - FML

By faily_tales - 11/07/2016 00:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I reassured a close friend that he could tell me anything. Now all our conversations are almost exclusively about his kinks. Did you know a well-stretched human anus can hold an entire bag of jumbo marshmallows? FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 113

You deserved it 2 408

faily_tales tells us more.

faily_tales 16

Monday 11 July 2016 22:24

OP here. If you really wanna know, he soaked them so they were slippery and put them in one at a time. He's got an inflation fetish and is really into butt stuff. The only reason he tells me all this stuff is because I'm one of the only people in his life that he can be totally TMI with. I'm trying to gently push him into talking about it more with his girlfriend, who's into some of the same things, and less with me. I have a strong stomach but I'm just sick of only ever talking about butt stuff! ?

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

Welshite 39

Monday 11 July 2016 15:56

And after the bag is empty, he says "I need s'more."

RememberSchlitz 9

Monday 11 July 2016 15:58

I did not know that, nor did I know that I did not want to know that.

Comments

_EnderDoge 22

Wednesday 20 July 2016 5:56

I'm the same way. The talking about anything part, I mean.. Surprisingly enough, I'd be fine talking about stuff like this. While strange, I don't mind talking about nearly anything.

Taco The Dank 27

Monday 21 November 2016 18:06

"Ah stuck uh whole bag uhf jelly beens up mah aeeuss, and boi did it feel gud"

Keywords

Video games Gamers Annoying Relatable Birthday Abuse Social Media Money Scams Parents Education Kids School Health Public freakouts Mental health Grieving Music Geek Poopoo peepee Jewelry Awkward Bikes Cops Transportation Family Fight Customers Gross Work

The Top

Today, my dad, who never supported us growing up, and who calls once a month to collect his monthly living expenses, gave me an ultimatum: either buy him a plane ticket so that he can come live with me forever (he's a raging alcoholic) OR to send him $4,500 US Dollars (which where he lives is someone's 6 month salary). FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 106

Today, no matter how well we tried to raise out daughter, things aren't looking too bright. I was present, I listened, and she told me her problems. My husband was always there for her too, no matter what. She works and studies but her role models consist of celebrities and girls who sell themselves on OnlyFans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 157

The Top

Today, I learned my dad is the kindest, most generous, hard-working soul anyone has ever met. He'll give someone the shirt off his back if they need help. Except for us, his immediate family, whom he screams and cusses at daily, expects to do everything ourselves, and thinks we're incompetent when we need help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 91

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. How did I find out? I'm sitting in a hospital room being given antibiotics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 126

Today, I was mistaken for a male prostitute because I was walking home while wearing my speedo after a swim in the public pool. I was arrested and had to stay in a room full of convicts for 4 hours. Still in a speedo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 993

You deserved it 26 365

Today, I had to call the cops at 10:30 at night because of the meth smoke from my neighbor burning my nostrils, with a heavy waft of cigarette covering it up. They never smoke cigarettes, except as a less-than-average way to cover up the drugs that I can pinpoint after being at two different shelters in Denver and Boulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 104

Today, I came home from a long shift at work to find that my roommate had completely rearranged all of the furniture. Apparently the new arrangement is supposed to improve the feng shui of our apartment. My bed is in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 303

You deserved it 2 942

Today, I was using the restroom at work when my glasses slipped off my face and landed right in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 481

You deserved it 323