Health: Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

By sadface - 04/01/2010 06:43 - Australia

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 481

You deserved it 7 414

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By clitorasaurus - 21/08/2010 06:09 - Canada

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 609

You deserved it 32 974

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 08:40 - United States

Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 916

You deserved it 7 348

By BrownDump - 14/05/2011 10:43 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 319

You deserved it 14 182

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 18:18 - Netherlands - Den Dungen

Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 979

You deserved it 4 832

By wtbfiber - 05/03/2012 05:12 - United States

Today, my stomach muscles are still sore from yesterday. Not because I was doing sit-ups or working out or anything, but because I have to work that hard to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 224

You deserved it 6 323

By paulinapo - 28/03/2013 13:52 - United States - Staten Island

Today, while in a public bathroom, I threw out my back. A stranger had to help me pull up my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 380

You deserved it 2 848

Fighting fit

By AnonThoughts - 24/10/2019 06:00

Today, my body is so messed up that I pulled a muscle in my side while farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 322

By 092492 - 05/03/2011 21:53 - United States

Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 536

You deserved it 3 993

By Maddie - 22/03/2011 15:39

Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 488

You deserved it 12 936

Pain in the ass

By Anonymous - 17/06/2021 22:01 - United States - Greenville

Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 117

allmidnighteyes 10

Monday 4 January 2010 12:31

most. intense. shit. ever.

Impromptu_fml 0

Monday 4 January 2010 12:22

That'll teach you to build it up. Next time, when nature calls, pick up the phone.

Comments

CRlovers123 0

Friday 13 August 2010 1:26

how may I ask?

sixdeadkittens 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 4:28

lolololol how do u pull a pigs string????

Cesar8 4

Thursday 21 April 2011 5:38

lmfao

thagr3at 0

Sunday 7 August 2011 22:39

AMAZING

eash12 11

Tuesday 23 August 2011 15:07

for some reason, the first time I read this I read "pulled a hamster out" so disturbed

justnattlia 4

Friday 9 December 2011 17:41

That's some serious shit

dpt91 3

Thursday 4 October 2012 13:09

Shit day

Flesheatinmonkey 3

Monday 22 April 2013 4:20

You shat bricks

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 607

You deserved it 5 177

Today, I threw an elaborate surprise birthday party for my boyfriend of four years. He thought we were going to a quiet dinner but when we arrived, thirty of his friends jumped out and surprised him. Instead of kissing me to thank me, he broke up with me because of how easily I had lied to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 720

You deserved it 4 756

The Top

Today, while opening up to a few friends about how I was sexually abused as a child, one of them blurted "Pics or it didn't happen." How did the others react? With outrage? No, just with awkward chuckling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 201

You deserved it 2 085

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. The local anesthesia worked on three of the four teeth. I found out about the last tooth when the dentist was mid-yank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 50

Today, my wife woke up from dental surgery still stoned off her box. She was asking for me, but when she saw me she said, “Ew, you’re ugly, I asked you to go get my husband, he’s goofy looking but you’re just plain ugly so you’re not my husband.” Not sure how to feel about that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 105

Today, I pissed out a kidney stone the size of a sweetcorn. Doesn’t sound big, but you just try pissing one out. My poor knob feels like it’s been attacked by rusty steel wool wrapped around a full-speed drill bit. I’m genuinely scared that the next time I piss will be full of blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 144

Today, my boyfriend sent me pictures of him and his family on their trip in Florida. He accidentally included a picture of a girl sleeping in his bed, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 909

You deserved it 4 033

Today, my girlfriend told me that she woke up after yesterday’s party with someone else’s trousers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 466

You deserved it 2 454

Same thing different taste

Fighting fit

Pain in the ass

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