Kids: Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we...

By Rae - 30/07/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 445

You deserved it 4 480

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Same thing different taste

Mystery man

By LifeSucks - 29/10/2008 11:57 - Canada

Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 688

You deserved it 3 975

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 14:35 - Taiwan

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 462

You deserved it 4 542

True

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 16:09

Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 036

You deserved it 239

Call CPS

By lyss - 16/02/2014 22:44 - United States - Pottsville

Today, I went to pick up my goddaughter while her mother went to work. She was being fussy, and I was surprised when she was quiet in the car; I just figured she'd fallen asleep. I got to my house and realized I'd never put her in my car, she was still sitting in my friend's driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 375

You deserved it 49 867

By anoymus - 31/05/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 943

You deserved it 3 272

By :,< - 17/09/2012 17:16 - United States

Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 412

You deserved it 2 603

By crzyry - 23/02/2012 03:49 - Canada

Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 632

You deserved it 3 118

By blah blah daddy - 02/10/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 420

You deserved it 10 376

By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 21:06 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 097

You deserved it 1 867

By noname - 03/01/2009 03:26 - France

Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 539

You deserved it 2 585

donutboy 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 23:17

"Wanna ride my mommy's new penis?" XD

BLNovelist 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 23:11

Gotta love children's pronunciations. :o

Comments

czarofandronia 0

Sunday 21 February 2010 10:49

and that's y u should buy American xD

ghost010 6

Sunday 21 March 2010 3:39

You realize that no car is made in the U.S., they are just assembled there. All the parts are made in other countries.

YouHaveFailed 0

Saturday 5 June 2010 17:40

OP---Like this? 8======D?

dinosaysrawrz 0

Saturday 26 June 2010 7:54

that's freakin awesome!!

terranada 3

Saturday 17 July 2010 12:45

ydi cuz ur daughter knows th wrd penis

joodfoot 0

Monday 4 October 2010 7:01

tht sucks.... maybe you shouldnt tell or talk stuff around your daughter... xD lol

gee4 0

Monday 10 January 2011 15:54

people who work at daycares' are not babysitters! They are teachers.

HellfireRogue 7

Sunday 22 May 2011 18:54

state-run daycares have teachers... home-run daycares (the kind i used to go to) were babysitters. get your facts right.

ijustlaugh 0

Saturday 16 April 2011 3:48

hahaha that's great! high five for your daughter! and oh my gosh people if you say them both out loud they do sound alike.

a2zx2 6

Friday 8 July 2011 3:39

LOL "want to take a ride on my mommy's new penis?"

Oakley34 4

Friday 29 July 2011 3:08

that's what you get for having a prius

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 381

You deserved it 4 153

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 607

You deserved it 5 177

The Top

Today, my coworker and I have been sharing the same girlfriend for over a year. She doesn’t know that we each know about the other, but now it’s all over. She blocked both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 914

Today, after feeling sick all day at work, my shift was about to end. Twenty minutes before I was able to clock out, some kid puked all over herself in the playground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 989

You deserved it 171

Today, it was the elections for Student Council President. I decided to be nice and vote for the only other competitor because it was her birthday. I lost by one vote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 615

You deserved it 51 615

Today, I was feeling terrible so I called in sick to work. My boss refused to believe me and told me he'd fire me if I didn't come in. I dragged myself to work, only to spend most of the day glued to the toilet. Now he says I won't be paid for the day because I barely did any work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 855

You deserved it 2 716

Siblings know the struggle.

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 72

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 893

You deserved it 3 722

Same thing different taste

Mystery man

True

Call CPS

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