Intimacy: Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't...

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 1 728

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

It's a trap!

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2009 22:58 - United States

I agree, your life sucks 636 583

You deserved it 797 921

By fuckmuppeter512 - 04/01/2014 22:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 802

You deserved it 8 688

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 134

You deserved it 10 844

I don't understand!

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 18:00 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 927

You deserved it 623

Precaution

By Tai - 31/10/2010 13:30 - Australia

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 556

You deserved it 9 936

By sexisntfun - 30/03/2015 02:13 - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 259

You deserved it 3 172

By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 008

You deserved it 45 569

By air - 13/07/2009 09:17 - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 660

You deserved it 89 183

Wrap it up

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 14:00

Today, the one time, THE ONE TIME, we ran out of condoms and had sex anyway, my girlfriend got pregnant, even though she’s on the pill. I didn’t even orgasm inside her, I had to do a Google search to learn that live sperm can emerge and go inside her even before I orgasm. We are so screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 717

By wtfjusthappened - 31/01/2014 15:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 789

You deserved it 13 024

citylights 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:07

hahahahahaha that is ******

Anony_fml 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:07

Pull out method doesn't work. You're ****** for life.

Comments

Newo_fml 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:31

Ew. FYL indeed.

arms_akimbo 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:33

Aaaaaah hahaha. Sorry. That sucks, but it's funny.

failz808 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:41

Falcon punch - ftw!!

notsoperky 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:41

Yeah so I agree with someone above (I forget the comment number). That girl either IS pregnant, or WILL be pregnant eventually... so if she ever comes up to you... get a paternity test, just in case!

Kyzomo 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:50

HAAAAAHHAAHHA DATZ THE FUNNIEST SHIT ON THIS SITE LMAO SUX 4 UUUU AHAHHHHA U GON BE A DADDY BOY!

ktl_fml 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:52

sorry man, but if you were sober enough to remember this, you can't use being drunk as an excuse for your stupidity.

tsax421 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:52

if you don't want a kid, don't ****. that simple.

tretregirl 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:56

Why in god's name have only two people mentioned STDs?! Let me spell it out for you. Honey, herpes is the gift that keeps on giving! For. The. Rest. Of. Your. Life. You could get hepatitis. Everyone knows jaundice is sexy. Of course, there's HIV/AIDS. 1 in 4 people has HPV, also incurable. That could give you recurring genital warts that you'll have to get frozen off repeatedly - or even more fun, you could spread HPV around, being the cause of cervical CANCER to your hookups. You can't get rid of ANY of those!!! Not to mention the other fun ones that you can get rid of: Scabies, Crabs, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, and Trichomonas. Maybe she won't get pregnant, but without a doubt nothing you can do would ever stop the burning reminder of the herpes virus. Nothing.

halfpint 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 17:06

Not to mention the STDs you need to keep an eye out for, seeing how some dont have any signs or symptoms for up to 6 months, now if she is pregnant, I feel terrible for that child, what with being cursed with two irresponsible parents. WRAP IT BEFORE YOU TAP IT DUDE!