Work: Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective...

By Silver_Samurai - 09/02/2012 03:24 - Netherlands

Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 707

You deserved it 10 501

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Crap - 12/04/2016 16:48 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 821

You deserved it 2 953

By SenorPoopypants - 08/01/2017 19:23

Today, I shat myself during a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 655

You deserved it 983

By dr mamour - 30/01/2013 21:57 - France - Paris

Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 066

You deserved it 4 084

Good one, dude

By poop hands - 20/12/2016 03:50 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, working as a CNA, my nurse convinced me that in order to collect a stool sample, you had to have the patient take a dump in your hand. I only found out he was kidding after I collected the sample. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 988

You deserved it 5 042

By Worstjob - 03/03/2011 00:35 - United States

Today, I started my job as a high school janitor. A student decided to welcome me by taking a dump in the urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 307

You deserved it 4 438

We could be heroes

By OhPleaseNo - 07/04/2020 14:00 - OhPleaseNo

Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 701

You deserved it 187

Great timing

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 18:01 - Australia

Today, I was absolutely busting to poop, so badly that I began to sweat. This was while I was sitting a medical exam, and had to write in depth about the mechanical and chemical process of digestion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 113

By Maddie - 22/03/2011 15:39

Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 488

You deserved it 12 936

Noise machine

By achtung - 01/02/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 127

You deserved it 5 823

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 17:18 - United States

Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 214

You deserved it 2 977

NiiTeH 7

Thursday 9 February 2012 8:45

The best way to greet a patient.

ninjuh_wingman 29

Thursday 9 February 2012 8:46

Theres no way that couldve been awkward.

Comments

Xcherrypie 16

Thursday 9 February 2012 9:52

If that's what you said as an opener, I'd love to hear the rest of the conversation haha.

rogue2888 4

Thursday 9 February 2012 10:13

Hahaha awesome. At least your straight to the point mate!

SarahSildaSixx 0

Thursday 9 February 2012 10:16

Laughter is the best medicine after all :)

lizard399 0

Thursday 9 February 2012 11:02

Well that is what you're there to do..

kateRAWR 4

Thursday 9 February 2012 11:48

Wow i bet they were pleased ;)

JenniferTheDark 0

Thursday 9 February 2012 11:48

I'm sorry, but that's hilarious. You probably made his day much better!

stevenmx86 7

Thursday 9 February 2012 12:23

I don't know how you don't deserve this.. You formed the sentence did you not?

la_gata_0716 5

Thursday 9 February 2012 12:27

Naah you didn't, whatever.

danehboi 4

Thursday 9 February 2012 12:41

Soo I'm guessing you failed

melissahoefs83 2

Thursday 9 February 2012 13:16

I Lol'd sorry

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The Top

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 337

You deserved it 15 970

Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 136

You deserved it 72 916

The Top

Today, I was making myself lunch. I love cooking, and often, I pretend I'm on the Food Network. I started to slice some tomatoes rapidly, which, turns out, was a big mistake; I sliced my thumb open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 235

You deserved it 35 575

Today, I was feeding my pets and playing with my puppy when I suddenly felt something behind me. My cat is on the arm of the couch steadily spanking my butt with his paw. I can't win! FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 233

Today, I saved a woman from being mugged, and stayed with her until the police arrived. At which point she ignored me completely, and thanked the handsome 20-something police officer for making her feel safe, like I did nothing. Ungrateful cow. Next time the mugger can have your handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 324

You deserved it 1 357

Today, I discovered the top I'm wearing becomes completely see-through when it rains. I just got caught in a storm on my lunch break, and still have 3 hours of work to go in my male dominated office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 551

You deserved it 8 716

Today, I was cleaning my car when I hit the automatic window button while I was vacuuming in between the door and the driver's seat, and got stuck halfway out, in full view of my neighbor. He had to come get me out, because I couldn't reach the button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 220

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 790

You deserved it 16 307