Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to take... - FML

By michael - 14/02/2012 02:55 - United States

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to take a dump out of a second-story window is a very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 191

You deserved it 41 998

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Your brain on alcohol

By michael - 17/07/2019 12:07

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to shit out the second story window is a very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 2 909

There goes the neighborhood…

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 11:00

Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 65

By gp28 - 18/02/2010 20:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 915

You deserved it 4 004

By SprinklerDodger - 08/06/2012 23:54 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 709

You deserved it 2 408

By itsplashedeverywhere - 27/10/2015 18:59 - United States - Boulder

Today, I was unfortunate enough to discover what happens when you vomit mid-drink at a water fountain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 781

You deserved it 2 214

By BrownDump - 14/05/2011 10:43 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 317

You deserved it 14 182

Put the booze down

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 14:01

Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 2 057

By Sparks - 13/03/2011 07:39 - United States

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 732

You deserved it 14 979

By Anonymous - 03/07/2014 00:59

Today, I opened my window due to the good weather. I was lucky enough to listen to the sounds of someone violently throwing up for over an hour. The window got stuck open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 495

You deserved it 4 514

You played yourself

By anon - 25/03/2013 18:31 - United States

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 115

You deserved it 68 649

Next

Top comments

LaColombianita 26

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:01

You're just full of shitty ideas aren't you, OP?

LookOnBrightSide 12

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:01

Guessing that isn't the best idea in the world, OP. Next time, stick with regular toilets, especially when drunk.

Comments

zingline89 18

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:06

Duh. Fourth story or higher or it don't count.

DrMime 10

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:30

Psshh, try an airplane! I call it pigeoning.

nic7973 23

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:47

love it!

le_troll 0

Tuesday 14 February 2012 10:11

LOL

DrMime 10

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:07

Why was this a bad idea? The broken arse, or the shit smears On the broken arse? If it's a good time your looking for, try moxy! The only out of production soda that'll keep you on your toes!!! Did I mention I'm legally retarded?

flockz 19

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:23

please, amateur. you have to be at least 8and a half stories up to achieve maximum splatter radius. next time leave it to the pros.

eminemop 0

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:38

I have much to learn.

benmec 18

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:32

Hey when you gotta poop, you gotta poop. But peeing? Now that's just outta the question!

TheJashinist 8

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:37

I kinda guessed that would be a bad idea...

sugaryspice 5

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:42

That shouldn't fall into the category of something you have to "find out." Whatever the consequences, you totally deserved them!

lizard399 0

Tuesday 14 February 2012 10:24

Since when do you drink and get good ideas? And why would you put yourself in such an uncomfortable position to shit? I mean come on now.. You can't try and be a Jackass, you aren't even getting paid so there's no real motivation for your stupidity, besides stupidity..

lizard399 0

Tuesday 14 February 2012 10:28

Bah dun da dun.

jafreen 8

Tuesday 14 February 2012 10:38

woah u can write names in block letters thn! ydi

AKholic47 0

Tuesday 14 February 2012 10:52

I'd laugh if someone was under you

1
2
3
4
5
6
7

Keywords

Awkward Love Students Relatable Work Racism Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Health Teenagers Friends Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Food Revenge Cats Boredom Animals Management Parenting Kids Sexism Parents Weird Miscellaneous Job interview Facebook Social Media

The Top

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 915

You deserved it 44 866

Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I'd left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 307

You deserved it 3 970

The Top

Today, I found my underwear in my brother's pillow as well as my vibrator and Victoria's Secret magazines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 474

You deserved it 3 730

Today, I have such severe ADD that I can't focus without my medication. When I take the medication, I can only focus on one thing, but not necessarily the thing I need to be focusing on. I have a chem test soon, and I've been vacuuming my room for the past 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 740

You deserved it 4 974

Today, I exchanged pictures with a guy I met online, whose devotion to his family really impressed me. In his picture, he was wearing clown makeup, holding a huge knife to his throat with one hand, and an ICP album in the other. All this with a psychopathic grin on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 390

You deserved it 7 811

Today, I finally got to take the bus to the store on this icy cold day. I got there at 1 pm and found it closed. Their website said they'd open late at 10 am. Then, I missed a bus home and had to walk back in the ice and sludge. I slipped, fell on my ass, and my shoes and socks got soaked in dirty ice water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 84

Today, I was sitting shotgun in the car. A huge bug came inside, and everyone began to freak out so naturally I began to swat at it. I got the fly, but I also cracked the windshield. I paid $229 to kill a bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 560

You deserved it 23 478

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 084

You deserved it 29 149