Intimacy: Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your...

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 962

You deserved it 8 442

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Same thing different taste

Creepy

By battle1 - 17/07/2015 11:00 - United States - Marietta

Today, my best friend told me he masturbates to my Instagram page. Thanks, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 597

You deserved it 4 385

By WayTooMuchFacebook - 04/02/2012 05:07 - United States

Today, I read some funny scribblings on a wall in the bathroom stall. My first instinct was to "Like" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 131

You deserved it 33 525

DELETE! DELETE!

By Hunter101 - 12/05/2012 04:24 - United States - Humble

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I'd left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 549

You deserved it 64 736

Wanker!

By EmbarrassedBather - 09/06/2019 00:00

Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 052

You deserved it 372

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 275 448

You deserved it 88 371

Odd rejection

By Anonymous - 20/06/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, I found a note on my door that said, "You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked." Later, I found another note that said, "Sorry, that was meant for your roommate. You aren't my type." Not even a creepy stalker thinks I'm attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 970

You deserved it 3 892

By Thanks guys - 26/11/2013 05:21 - United States - Richmond

Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 036

You deserved it 4 921

By jenpearl - 20/06/2015 01:06 - Australia

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying "Keep doing what you're doing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 015

You deserved it 9 205

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 175

You deserved it 4 500

By steph - 13/09/2011 21:40 - China

Today, I found a note on the front door of my flat saying, "You left your keys in your garage door so I put them in your letter box". Guess where my letter box key is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 976

You deserved it 6 657

LlamaFlavoured 24

Saturday 12 November 2011 12:23

Someone's got a stalker...

RecklessJellyBea 7

Saturday 12 November 2011 12:24

Ah, FB. A stalker's library.

Comments

alicekyra 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 19:36

look on the bright side, people find you attractive!

FlightlessRaven 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 19:42

I guess you should take that as a compliment xD

icxiibunnie 14

Saturday 12 November 2011 20:54

ohh god stalker alert!! XD I say you should set your privacy to high :P

poo12face 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 21:02

Sorry, that was me who posted that. ;-)

BFit 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 21:08

How is that a bad thing, what a compliment!

LennyComa 39

Saturday 12 November 2011 21:39

Welldone

foolishototo 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 21:45

Hahahaha Funny yet very creepy

mrmerino 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 21:48

Be flattered. Some of us don't have people tripping over themselves to jerk one out to our pictures.

zirnaH 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 22:03

That's absolutely hilarious. Reading this just made my day. (:

drewzzz 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 22:06

What's Facebook? Lmfao jk

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Health Awkward Jewelry Kids Family Fight Love Work Relatable Students Noise Animals Birds Sleep Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Pregnancy Relationship advice Cheating Teenagers Friends Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Food Revenge Boredom

The Top

Today, I told my husband to stop his friendship with our neighbor’s 17 year-old daughter. They claim they just play video games together, but lately he’s been uninterested in sex and barely shows me any affection. He vehemently said, “It’s not like we’re fucking or anything! Chill!” and stormed out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 127

Today, I asked out a girl I’ve been hanging out with for a few months. She said, “That’s kind of gross.” When I asked her about, it she said, “My friends will think you’re creepy” followed by, “You’re not actually a creep, they say you look like one.” I groom myself every day like a normal person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 101

The Top

Today, in a store, an obnoxious woman, swearing loudly and slapping at her out-of-control kids, was disrupting the whole place. I said to the cashier, "That nasty woman should leave the brats at home." She gave me a filthy look and said, "Do you mind? That's my sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 861

You deserved it 19 843

Today, I went to a family funeral. Talking to my grandfather, trying to chitchat, he said, "You're gaining weight, aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 124

You deserved it 4 271

Today, I got a text from a woman containing many naked pictures of her. Apparently she meant to send those to her boyfriend whose number is one digit from mine. The bad part? My girlfriend was using my phone when I received that message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 624

You deserved it 2 978

Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a bee flew down my shirt. I'm allergic to bees so I freaked out and started ripping my clothes off. By the time I was done, I was half naked and there was no bee in sight. Turns out, it was the string on my jacket hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 125

You deserved it 33 239

Today, I rode home alone on a train. I accidentally missed my stop, but wasn't worried about it. My mom did not share my optimism and actually called the train company, saying that I was "lost" and "special". They thought she meant I was retarded. They wouldn't believe me when I said I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 700

You deserved it 3 296

Today, I was at my job as a bartender where I had to listen to a 40-something man with no legs drunkenly explain just how much he loves nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 210

You deserved it 3 945