Intimacy: Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your...

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 962

You deserved it 8 442

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Same thing different taste

Creepy

By battle1 - 17/07/2015 11:00 - United States - Marietta

Today, my best friend told me he masturbates to my Instagram page. Thanks, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 597

You deserved it 4 385

By WayTooMuchFacebook - 04/02/2012 05:07 - United States

Today, I read some funny scribblings on a wall in the bathroom stall. My first instinct was to "Like" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 131

You deserved it 33 525

DELETE! DELETE!

By Hunter101 - 12/05/2012 04:24 - United States - Humble

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I'd left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 549

You deserved it 64 736

Wanker!

By EmbarrassedBather - 09/06/2019 00:00

Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 052

You deserved it 372

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 275 448

You deserved it 88 371

Odd rejection

By Anonymous - 20/06/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, I found a note on my door that said, "You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked." Later, I found another note that said, "Sorry, that was meant for your roommate. You aren't my type." Not even a creepy stalker thinks I'm attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 970

You deserved it 3 892

By Thanks guys - 26/11/2013 05:21 - United States - Richmond

Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 036

You deserved it 4 921

By jenpearl - 20/06/2015 01:06 - Australia

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying "Keep doing what you're doing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 015

You deserved it 9 205

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 175

You deserved it 4 500

By steph - 13/09/2011 21:40 - China

Today, I found a note on the front door of my flat saying, "You left your keys in your garage door so I put them in your letter box". Guess where my letter box key is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 976

You deserved it 6 657

LlamaFlavoured 24

Saturday 12 November 2011 12:23

Someone's got a stalker...

RecklessJellyBea 7

Saturday 12 November 2011 12:24

Ah, FB. A stalker's library.

Comments

jaredofmo 22

Saturday 12 November 2011 14:18

Wouldn't it be funny if they got the wrong address?

SkardeyKat 3

Saturday 12 November 2011 14:32

Yeah, it might have been intended for a hot girl but it was read by a lonely fat girl with a horse obsession... That's what I'm picturing...

esines 9

Saturday 5 May 2012 4:01

Stop 40, you're giving me a boner

eastsidesoldier 7

Saturday 12 November 2011 14:28

Lol

CrazyManNo9 29

Saturday 12 November 2011 14:33

LIKE!

alejandra_30 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 14:34

Aahh facebook, stalking is just a click away ;)

josejimenez 0

Wednesday 30 November 2011 6:20

Nice rack

Mayshod 3

Saturday 12 November 2011 14:35

Legally speaking, this qualifies as sexual harassment. You have the police at least file a report so there is a record of it.

CrazyManNo9 29

Sunday 13 November 2011 3:07

What??? No freakin way. You have no idea what you are talking about AT ALL. BS.

icanhazblivions 1

Saturday 12 November 2011 14:38

that's when you take the skanky pictures dowwwwn

purple91 8

Saturday 12 November 2011 14:55

The comments on this are funnier than the FML.

JackXsss 8

Saturday 12 November 2011 14:56

how hot are you?

kozy3am 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 15:07

i totally call the cops! haha

BabyMama121307 0

Saturday 12 November 2011 15:15

Mayb if u wouldnt show skin like a dam hoe lol

RebekahBrooke 9

Saturday 12 November 2011 15:23

Does anyone else see the irony between their name and their comment?

hbbs93 6

Monday 14 November 2011 7:54

Lmfao @ 52 hahaha!

Keywords

Public freakouts Health Relatable Scams Geek Music Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Cops Transportation Kids Fight Family AITA Mother in law Miscellaneous Relationship advice Social Media Love Art Work Students Noise Animals Birds Sleep Mental health Medication

The Top

Today, I discovered that whenever my house is affected by a blackout, the cooler for my Xbox will turn on by itself when it's fixed. My Xbox cooler flashes repeatedly, alternating between several bright colors, when it turns on. If I'm asleep when it happens, which is often the case, it wakes me up. Every. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 379

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 380

You deserved it 4 153

The Top

Today, I was halfway through eating a what I though was a delicious sandwich, when I turned it over and saw nasty green mold on the bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 761

You deserved it 529

Today, the eczema on my hands is so bad that my phone's touch screen didn't want acknowledge my fingers as human skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 67

Today, just like everyday, I opened my med box, took out a blister pack and took one of the pills before putting the pack back in the box. Today, not like everyday, I had diarrhea. Turns out one of the packs was laxatives put in my med box by my boyfriend because they looked the same as my meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 095

You deserved it 320

Today, my friend told me she was going to start drinking Gatorade, so she could get the body shape of the athletes on TV. When I tried to explain to her that she'd also need to work out to achieve this, she went nuts and hurled the bottle at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 370

You deserved it 3 226

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I'd got her. She replied, "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 149

You deserved it 95 252

Today, my sister in law threatened to call CPS on me because I “starved” her children when they spent the night. I didn’t starve them. I made an actual home cooked meal instead of the microwaveable or fast food crap she constantly feeds them. They chose not to eat and threw tantrums instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 817

You deserved it 187