Work: Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable...

By Anonymous - 08/09/2013 16:38 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 998

You deserved it 3 592

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/06/2014 19:06 - United States - Lake Wales

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 490

You deserved it 5 028

By Anonymous - 02/10/2012 19:39 - United States - Richland

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 717

You deserved it 2 956

By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - 27/06/2015 01:21 - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 322

You deserved it 2 564

Ivy league

By WasteOMoney - 04/07/2011 01:50 - United States

Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to take a video of his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 807

You deserved it 6 263

By sirenmario - 20/01/2011 00:52

Today, a patient at the hospital I work at had a tracheal tube and couldn't speak. I'm unable to read lips, but I'm pretty sure he was mouthing the words 'stupid bitch' every time I tried to stop him from pulling out his IV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 005

You deserved it 2 679

Bag for life

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 04:57 - United States

Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 358

You deserved it 67

By welp24 - 28/10/2018 03:00

Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 192

You deserved it 364

Nice.

By poururheartout - 27/07/2018 20:30

Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 270

You deserved it 379

By captainkevineff - 11/03/2010 14:44 - United States

Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 948

You deserved it 3 638

By Stuck - 08/09/2011 10:00 - United States

Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 336

You deserved it 67 797

WCARlover 34

Monday 9 September 2013 3:02

I get calls from assholes all the time, though...(I work in retail)

Nyx_fml 23

Monday 9 September 2013 3:02

Hey, he was just trying to make contact with Uranus. Or Hisanus, rather.

Comments

YeahYeahYeahOK 6

Thursday 12 September 2013 19:30

The only thing worse is a sippy cup!

GPsvw237 3

Thursday 12 September 2013 23:45

1 guy 1 phone, 1 scalpel 1 doctor ;)

RyGuy1015 6

Friday 13 September 2013 9:41

gooood gooood gooood! good vibrations!

seekingasaviour 9

Friday 13 September 2013 13:58

Probably trying to use it as a vibrater.

someguy314159265 15

Saturday 14 September 2013 0:20

I hope it was a Galaxy Note II with one of those spike-studded cases designed to make you look tough...

Dracoboxer357 35

Monday 16 September 2013 15:10

Well that's a pain in the....oh....er. Yeah. :P

thecrazymancan 17

Tuesday 17 September 2013 4:08

Now you could say "FML" or you could just laugh. Personally I chose to laugh.

Thatguy90 7

Friday 20 September 2013 11:10

Hey, don't we all get phones stuck in our asses sometimes?

Qualdog12 12

Sunday 13 October 2013 23:22

I remember someone fml-ing that they drunkenly got a cellphone stuck up their ass, maybe we're talking about the same person, op?

lemurman108 24

Friday 3 January 2014 4:04

Very well put.

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I agree, your life sucks 37 157

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I agree, your life sucks 41 774

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I agree, your life sucks 46 879

You deserved it 3 041

Same thing different taste

Ivy league

Bag for life

Nice.

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