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Easy fix. Memorize it and recite it for her. Boom! Pregnant. Bonus points if you do it in another language!

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Easy fix. Memorize it and recite it for her. Boom! Pregnant. Bonus points if you do it in another language!

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Isn't War and Peace an extremely long book? If OP could memorize it, he would deserve sex solely based on the effort that would require.

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At about 587K words, it's listed as one of the ten longest novels in history. For a bit of perspective, that's all three Lord of the Rings plus the Hobbit and then some.

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Like on thanksgiving we all learned how much food we can shove down our face before we hate ourselves, and if you don't (excluding people from countries that do not celebrate thanksgiving), you weren't doing thanksgiving right!

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80 - If you are having trouble deciding whether or not you are alive, I would have to agree with the quote, and put off trying to seduce anybody.

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71-because it was a joke and it was quick, rolls off the tongue, and is just funnier than saying BOOM! Had sex with a person.

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110- I'm not following you, you just make shitty comments and leave them everywhere I go. Your comments piss me off in a way nobody else's do, and I'm not the only one

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The Lord of the Rings books were all written in one mega book it was supposed to be the first modern English epic. So to classify them as a series is okay but not correct.

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Their accents and women are sexy. We all know most Russian dudes got epically fucked in the aesthetics department. No win here.

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94- then I shall put more emphasis on the word 'most' sir. Most people are biased when it comes to their family, so I'm going on your picture since I already said 'most'. I can't really argue against my first statement. My family doesn't breed bad-looking people either, however there are only a handful I would brag about.

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True, there are a lot of ugly russians but some russian males are pretty good looking, no homo

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It's ignorant to call most of the male population of a country that spans two continents "lacking" in any department. I was trying to draw and analogy, but I can't think of one without sounding like a racist asshole.

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There was bound to be joke about 50 Shades Of Grey. But all the puns about that are going to gag me if they don't stop.

It's time to begin a new chapter in your life: To avoid a battle with your wife, book a room at a hotel for a romantic getaway. Finger through some travel catalogs if you need to.

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I dunno about you, but porn makes my problem worse. Seriously I'm already missing out on sex, so now I have to watch someone else? Ugh fuck that lol

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Actually she did want sex, that's why she's fingering herself. Apparently she just doesn't want it with OP.

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Porn only helps for so long. Not sure about most women, but I'd rather hop on my guy than a porn site.

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That's a pretty large leap in logic to make there from a handful of words. For all you know dude could be built like a marathon runner.

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10-That is a very superficial and shallow comment young lady. First of all we have no idea what OP's actual weight is.. And even if we did why would that matter? Secondly, OP is talking about his wife.. So obviously she loves him or she wouldn't have married him. Most importantly though, I want you to know that real love goes deeper than appearances.

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wow ok even if op were fat, that would be fucked up. but fact of the matter is that we have no clue what op looks like and never will.

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10- you sound like a cunt. Regardless, there is obviously an issue with the marriage if OP's wife would rather do it herself. Maybe OP is just bad in the sack. That could have easily led to this situation.

If your wife prefers taking care of herself versus you rockin' her world, you're probably doing something wrong. Take the time to talk to her and see what she's missing in your love life; if you take the extra time to show you care, I can almost guarantee you'll be getting lucky more often.

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except if she asks him to sift through war and peace for those chapters that get her all hot and bothered.

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I agree it's likely that he does something wrong, but not necessarily. Maybe she wasn't in the mood for intimacy, but still wanted some stress relieving comfort. Masturbation isn't just a poor substitution for sex.

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