Intimacy: Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked... - FML

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 21:34 - Netherlands - Tilburg

Spicy

Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 470

You deserved it 4 669

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Rejection erection

By paidback - 25/12/2009 01:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 663

You deserved it 83 300

By Korisite - 30/10/2011 05:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 231

You deserved it 24 983

Waste of time

By I'mmessedup - 29/09/2021 22:59

Spicy

Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 124

You deserved it 532

Can't win

By Anonymous - 24/09/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 142

You deserved it 357

Caught in 4K

By ScrewU - 17/08/2022 19:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got off early from work to catch my wife screwing her co-worker in our bed. I ask her what I did to deserve this. She told me she was “lonely” and that he “always makes her feel like a woman,” unlike me. She would come home from work and I would initiate intimacy, but she would decline every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 849

You deserved it 154

Confuddled

By yosenfal - 28/04/2012 01:04 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Spicy

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 932

You deserved it 4 076

By Username - 18/03/2010 08:21 - France

Spicy

Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 569

You deserved it 49 709

Romantic mood

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuck buddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 188

You deserved it 200

Sorry

By Anonymous - 23/09/2013 18:06 - United States - Olympia

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 849

You deserved it 5 075

That escalated badly

By Anonymous - 19/03/2020 09:03

Spicy

Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 299

You deserved it 396

Next

Top comments

iShanny 13

Monday 26 November 2012 2:55

Easy fix. Memorize it and recite it for her. Boom! Pregnant. Bonus points if you do it in another language!

JJJJJakkkkeee 6

Monday 26 November 2012 2:59

Are you sure it wasn't a copy of 50 Shades of Grey with the cover of War and Peace on it?

Comments

jgriff79 23

Monday 26 November 2012 4:18

Her hand was obviously better than her partner!

zmoney2121 6

Monday 26 November 2012 4:40

Yo that sucks op

ICastillo 24

Monday 26 November 2012 4:47

Na he wished she sucked man that's the problem.

panda_lou 11

Monday 26 November 2012 4:46

Perhaps she is stressed out and doesn't have the energy to return the favor like you probably want. So she will take care of herself and then relax. Might not have something to do with you exactly.

panda_lou 11

Tuesday 27 November 2012 17:35

Thumbed down for stating a fact. Wtg guys.

Eorlas 31

Monday 26 November 2012 4:51

This is one of the best FMLs of all time. I want this printed on a shirt.

dodzin 9

Monday 26 November 2012 5:01

Make sure you a replacement for next time....

wickedninja918 1

Monday 26 November 2012 6:01

Ok could you please either restate this with a verb, and learn simple sentance structure, or don't comment. either way it's your choice

SirCharles83 13

Monday 26 November 2012 5:16

War and peace? Of all things some one would/could get off too, she picks war and peace? What the ****?

evanohevan 5

Monday 26 November 2012 5:25

Tolstoy is rather irresistable. try writing a book?

Huey_Freeman 4

Monday 26 November 2012 5:25

What the actual ****...Tolstoy?

FlyingPie 17

Monday 26 November 2012 6:49

What is this "actual ****" I keep seeing lately? Is it as opposed to a theoretical ****?

Zebediabolical 39

Monday 26 November 2012 5:33

Real men hide War and Peace behind 50 Shades of Grey!

evanohevan 5

Monday 26 November 2012 5:59

Also,(I feel compelled to add this) I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I'm afraid there was a naked photo of me in the pages of that book. sorry OP

1
2
3
4
5
6
7

Keywords

Art Kids Birthday Covid Health Relatable Transportation Awkward Cars Love Poopoo peepee Gross Family Sex Intimacy Neighbours Lonely Dreams Work Management Jealousy Mental health Relationship advice Miscellaneous Friends Abuse Parents Healthy Lifestyle Food Ironic

The Top

Today, I walked in on my husband sniffing my sister’s panties from her laundry basket. He had the gall to defend himself and told me, “If you wore these sexy thongs and cheekies instead of them granny panties, I wouldn’t be doing this.” I wear “granny panties” because I recently gave birth to our daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 116

Today, I went to a water park with a group of friends. As I went down the water slide, some complete turdwaffle of a kid in the water kicked his leg out in line with my crotch. The moment I hit the bottom was the moment I think I became sterile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 392

You deserved it 3 447

The Top

Today, my neighbor's kid started learning the violin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 425

You deserved it 498

Today, my younger sister's dog broke its leg. The vets are closed today so instead of going on a date with a girl I have been trying to get for at least 2 years, I need to carry an 80 lb. dog that hates me, up and down the stairs. I already got bit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 543

You deserved it 3 489

Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up and loudly asked if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretended I was deaf and couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 374

You deserved it 49 715

Embarrassingly accurate. Cheers!

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 62

Today, I thought I was home alone, so I started singing to my cat. After a half hour of this, I finally stopped. Then I heard applauding. I turned around to find my parents standing in my doorway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 642

You deserved it 22 470

Today, I tried to take a selfie with a famous celebrity, but I accidentally hit the video record button and recorded myself walking away from them instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 744