Kids: Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child,...

By you ripped them off ages ago - 17/08/2014 06:15 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 044

You deserved it 16 318

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/06/2012 16:41 - United States - Naperville

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 755

You deserved it 3 764

By Anonymous - 29/10/2012 10:32 - United States - Levelland

Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 792

You deserved it 2 706

Nutshot

By Blue Nut Records - 31/10/2023 18:00 - Switzerland - Delémont

Today, I managed to squeeze a testicle between my thigh and a drawer while doing the dishes. From the floor, writhing in pain, I watched my wife laughing hysterically while our two year-old ran up to jump on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 72

Natural birth

By Anonymous - 12/08/2021 04:01

Today, during labor, I farted every time I pushed with very deep sounds. I was so ashamed. I pushed so hard, I pooped and splashed the nurse in front of me right in the face. Everyone stopped laughing and the nurse didn’t talk until baby came. When my husband called my in-laws, it’s the first thing he told them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 436

You deserved it 137

By Anonymous - 14/02/2015 02:43 - United States - Titusville

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 250

You deserved it 3 525

The bed is lava

By for better or for farts - 06/08/2020 23:01

Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 393

You deserved it 198

By OwMyBalls - 12/02/2012 06:17

Today, I had a debate with my girlfriend about whether giving birth or getting kicked in the balls hurts more. It ended up with her kicking me in the balls. I was the one who said giving birth hurt more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 035

You deserved it 6 496

By Anonymous - 11/07/2015 01:23 - Canada - Surrey

Today, my wife was in seemingly never-ending labor. It got so bad, I overheard a nurse in the doorway mutter to a coworker that she hoped my baby would just die or something, so she could finally go take a smoke break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 877

You deserved it 2 094

Think of the environment

By Anonyname - 18/05/2014 19:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody, and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned broodmare." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 881

You deserved it 10 574

Wakey Wakey!

By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 04:00

Today, my girlfriend woke me up by punching me in the balls. It’s OK, I didn’t want kids anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 190

Damafia 19

Sunday 17 August 2014 15:13

One type of vasectomy I guess...

FunnnyGirrl 19

Sunday 17 August 2014 15:17

Threats to remove ones manhood is the best kind of contraception...

Comments

crimson_rebel 5

Monday 18 August 2014 13:14

4th kid! Congratulations! ☺️

dDailydDosage 8

Monday 18 August 2014 15:48

It takes two to tango. She had just as much participation in the creation of the kids as OP did. Aww he didn't put on a condom so now it's his fault you're pregnant? Haven't you eve heard of birth control?

aire101 16

Monday 18 August 2014 21:59

Ever heard of complications from birth control? One of my friends could only use a certain type because of her rampant family history of breast cancer. Same friend a few years later was told by her doctor that if she didn't come off the BC within a year or so she wouldnt be able to have children at all. The women on my mom's side have a history of blod clot issues when on BC and the other side has severe weight gain. Bottom line is that going on BC isnt always the fix people make it seem like it is. Then there's the many occasions where it simply doesn't work.

dDailydDosage 8

Monday 18 August 2014 15:50

I would defend the woman like some of you but she's the one threatening to rip his balls off. But maybe it's just cause she has just given birth? So maybe this shouldn't be taken seriously anyway. So it's not an FML or a YDI