Intimacy: Thief

Thief

By anonymous - 28/10/2014 03:40 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 890

You deserved it 39 831

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Same thing different taste

Medieval ******

By Brittney - 16/01/2023 00:00

Today, I started an electrical fire trying to charge my vibrators. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 368

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 06:00

Today, I came home from work and found my sister using my vibrator in my own bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 821

You deserved it 232

By Heather - 26/06/2012 17:13 - United States - Newport News

Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 495

You deserved it 12 738

May be

By Anonymous - 29/02/2020 20:00

Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 640

You deserved it 139

By whiskey'swino - 09/06/2019 14:19

Today, while working in a dark nightclub, I dropped a red charger. Retracing my steps, I found it, or so I thought until I picked up a used tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 999

You deserved it 257

By Ab - 10/02/2009 01:50 - United States

Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 302

You deserved it 42 768

Mortified

By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 01:08 - United States - Joplin

Today, I bought my first ever vibrator after months of wanting one. Apparently, I bought a cheap product, because it broke and started going off by itself later. It shook my whole dresser while my best friend and I were in the room. I couldn't get it to shut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 262

By Sarah - 25/08/2009 16:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 619

You deserved it 10 410

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 14:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 226

You deserved it 12 850

What was I thinking?

By Anonymous - 28/11/2023 10:00 - United States - Okemos

Today, I realized that the only place my missing vibrator can be is at the house of the people I just dogsat for. In their spare room. Which also serves as their kids' playroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 640

Onyxdragon 9

Tuesday 28 October 2014 17:16

That's a new one, you get a gold sticker.

llamarrama01 21

Tuesday 28 October 2014 17:18

People who do things like that can go....**** themselves

Comments

dakid87 10

Tuesday 28 October 2014 18:16

I'm sorry, that sound very funny to me. Lol

Texasblackboots 16

Tuesday 28 October 2014 18:24

That is so messed up

grtfuldeadlovr 27

Tuesday 28 October 2014 18:35

Yo they sell batteries at the dollar store.

cookies2228 3

Tuesday 30 December 2014 6:45

my point exactly

metalwolf 17

Tuesday 28 October 2014 18:44

Did someone already steal the batteries from the remotes?

ostfaiz 18

Tuesday 28 October 2014 19:05

hope they last longer for you Op :)

iAmPaul 49

Tuesday 28 October 2014 19:13

"Work out"? Surely it's supposed to be "work at". Must've slipped by the FML staff.

Talis99 26

Tuesday 28 October 2014 19:25

That's pretty low.

zombiekiller52 24

Tuesday 28 October 2014 19:33

Well even you need to have a good time after work

more4me 27

Tuesday 28 October 2014 19:46

That *is* pretty dang low.

MissBehavin77 18

Tuesday 28 October 2014 19:49

You couldn't of just gotten your own batteries?

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The Top

Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 396

You deserved it 362

Today, I had dinner with my girlfriend of five months along with my mom and dad. It all was going fine until my mom asked aloud, "Everything going smooth for you in the bedroom?" to which my girlfriend replied, "No." I'd actually been painting the master bedroom at my parent's house for some extra cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 441

You deserved it 4 299

The Top

Today, my mother informed me that she sold my dog to pay off some bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 778

You deserved it 1 838

Today, I tried to find a job. Again. It's been seven years since I earned more than 70€ in a month, seven years since I moved back in with my parents, and seven years since I was registered as having a medical disability. Nobody wants me, not even as a shelf stacker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 98

Today, I looked out my window to see the sunset, but instead I see my neighbor dancing with strobe lights on and music blasting. He was by himself and had absolutely nothing on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 218

You deserved it 4 320

Today, I brought my best painting yet to college. I showed it off and everyone loved it. Or almost everyone. When we came back from lunch break, we found someone had sharpied the words "JIZZ BUTT" all over it. That painting took two weeks to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 523

You deserved it 1 992

Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 988

You deserved it 5 986

Today, I was so bored I began practicing an irish jig. For two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 885

You deserved it 26 651