Sex, Pranks, Awkward, Painful and Intimacy: That sucks - FML

That sucks

By funnyERstory - 23/11/2016 04:31 - United States - Houston

Spicy

Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 964

You deserved it 1 553

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Same thing different taste

Whatever floats your boat

By RainbowD4PowerNozzle - 02/01/2023 21:00

Spicy

Today, while cleaning my vehicle at the car wash, the vacuum cleaner found a new purpose. As I twisted around, the mouth of the hose made its way down to my crotch and latched on. It definitely wasn’t painful, but I’ve now been sucked off by a vacuum. Best yet weirdest blow job ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 1 255

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 23:01 - United States - Parkersburg

Spicy

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 693

You deserved it 3 065

Poor Henry

By SierraCheyenne - 26/03/2020 23:09 - United States - Denver

Spicy

Today, I came home to my boyfriend standing in the living room with his dick in the vacuum cleaner hose. Instead of being embarrassed, he simply said, "The vacuum does it better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 130

You deserved it 542

By Rumpkis - 05/12/2011 01:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 940

You deserved it 18 658

By Embarrassed - 06/12/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 374

You deserved it 6 128

Not a great start

By Anonymous - 21/01/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, barely 24 hours after we decided that yes, we were now boyfriend and girlfriend, I caught my “boyfriend” with his cock down my cousin's throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 180

And I oop

By AnxiousCucumber - 07/09/2016 20:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 384

You deserved it 2 184

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 757

By allalone - 14/07/2010 00:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 322

You deserved it 45 447

By Bobby M - 16/05/2011 16:33 - Ireland

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 517

You deserved it 10 685

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 23 November 2016 16:46

Did it work? I'm tired of paying hookers.

devinaww 15

Wednesday 23 November 2016 16:52

Ohhh I cringed from reading that My vacuum has a very small nozzle...

Comments

GhostFox 33

Wednesday 23 November 2016 18:26

I'm curious as to why the user name is "funnyERstory." Did the OP's dick get stuck in the vacuum hose or nozzle and they couldn't remove it? Did the suction cause bruising? Did the weight of the vacuum parts break OP's dick? I really want to know the injury that was caused, mostly to warn other people to /not/ do this thing.

brenton490 19

Thursday 24 November 2016 23:06

"If you use that vacuum it will break you dick off" "That's a weird way to describe a vacuum. Does it have power settings?" " Yes there high medium,and low and all will break your dick off."

stalkinator 21

Wednesday 23 November 2016 19:03

You went to the ER?

Huntersmommy2197 7

Wednesday 23 November 2016 19:55

to each their own!

trucker2 33

Wednesday 23 November 2016 20:43

Next you'll be stuck to the pool's filtering system...crying it just sucked me in....

daydreamer50 5

Wednesday 23 November 2016 21:00

I was going to say sucks but to lame. To late the vacuum out the closet ???

cuz803 44

Wednesday 23 November 2016 21:12

That's not how ******** work OP

EmmaMK 35

Wednesday 23 November 2016 23:56

Yes it sucks! That's what hoovers do

BadKitty13 28

Thursday 24 November 2016 2:18

Sorry. Sucks to be you.

chewsef 17

Thursday 24 November 2016 5:07

The dangers "come" with the territory.

samlovesham1234 9

Thursday 24 November 2016 6:21

YEOUCH!!!

Keywords

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I agree, your life sucks 34 160

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I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 120

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I agree, your life sucks 29 250

You deserved it 3 046