Sex, Pranks, Awkward, Painful and Intimacy: That sucks - FML

That sucks

By funnyERstory - 23/11/2016 04:31 - United States - Houston

Spicy

Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 964

You deserved it 1 553

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Whatever floats your boat

By RainbowD4PowerNozzle - 02/01/2023 21:00

Spicy

Today, while cleaning my vehicle at the car wash, the vacuum cleaner found a new purpose. As I twisted around, the mouth of the hose made its way down to my crotch and latched on. It definitely wasn’t painful, but I’ve now been sucked off by a vacuum. Best yet weirdest blow job ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 1 255

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 23:01 - United States - Parkersburg

Spicy

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 693

You deserved it 3 065

Poor Henry

By SierraCheyenne - 26/03/2020 23:09 - United States - Denver

Spicy

Today, I came home to my boyfriend standing in the living room with his dick in the vacuum cleaner hose. Instead of being embarrassed, he simply said, "The vacuum does it better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 130

You deserved it 542

By Rumpkis - 05/12/2011 01:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 940

You deserved it 18 658

By Embarrassed - 06/12/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 374

You deserved it 6 128

Not a great start

By Anonymous - 21/01/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, barely 24 hours after we decided that yes, we were now boyfriend and girlfriend, I caught my “boyfriend” with his cock down my cousin's throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 180

And I oop

By AnxiousCucumber - 07/09/2016 20:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 384

You deserved it 2 184

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 757

By allalone - 14/07/2010 00:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 322

You deserved it 45 447

By Bobby M - 16/05/2011 16:33 - Ireland

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 517

You deserved it 10 685

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 23 November 2016 16:46

Did it work? I'm tired of paying hookers.

devinaww 15

Wednesday 23 November 2016 16:52

Ohhh I cringed from reading that My vacuum has a very small nozzle...

Comments

littlefoott69 14

Saturday 3 December 2016 4:28

and you yelled out...you have 5 minutes to stop that

Mendeenie 3

Sunday 4 December 2016 23:11

I feel so bad for you ?

HarHam96 1

Monday 5 December 2016 22:33

No lube? No motion? I think maybe it's more like you used a dick pump

bidet 8

Monday 5 February 2018 5:53

do you really want everyone to know that your dick is small enough to fit in the vacuum nozzle/hose? I mean, anything smaller than a commercial vacuum usually only has a 1 1/2" (35 mm) diameter hose.

wanted_2_want 40

Monday 5 February 2018 17:19

Suuure! "My cousin"

Keywords

Management Work Miscellaneous Friends Awkward Health Relatable Healthy Lifestyle Money Birthday Family Mother in law Gifts Public freakouts Education Parents Students Exams Pranks Weird Love Argument AITA Insects Fear Cats Skincare Job interview Jealousy Coworkers

The Top

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 128

You deserved it 1 010

Today, my time-off request was denied because I'd said on my application that I have “open availability.” This is normally true, except my mother passed away and I need to travel to go to her funeral. I attempted to appeal, but ended up fired for “misleading” the company by “lying on a job application.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 104

The Top

Today, why is life fucking me from behind like a fucking cunt? Fuck life, I hate life, fuck it, fuck everyone. Why do I suck? Why do i make always bad decisions? Why am I so fucking irresponsible and incapable of fucking anything? Why am I so useless and why do I suck at things I fucking work for and try my best for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 1 435

Today, I asked my mom if she could buy me some anti-nausea medicine. She said, "You just have a stomach ache. It's not like you're throwing up." As she said it, I threw up everything but my childhood memories. She still wouldn't get any medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 607

You deserved it 2 325

Today, I was playing a medieval game with my brother, when he took all of his character's clothes off and said, "Let's have sex!" I looked at him and said, "UH YOU ARE MY BROTHER!" He turns and looks at me, smiling and says, "But not in the game!" I am a 19 year old girl. He is 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 759

You deserved it 5 581

Today, I went skating at the local rink. I had a really hard time balancing and was falling all over the place. After everyone had a good laugh, someone finally decided to tell me that one of my blade covers was still on, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 881

You deserved it 29 067

Today, I was in the bank with my seven year-old daughter, when I saw an old high school friend of mine with his wife. I said hello, and he commented on how beautiful my little girl was. I thanked him, and as I turned away, I heard his wife say, "I guess the father must be the good looking one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 011

You deserved it 2 773

Today, there's a boy in my high school who is being bullied because he is left-handed. Repeat: HE'S LEFTY. Are you fucking kidding me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 129