Healthy Lifestyle, Poopoo peepee and Work: That shit adds up

That shit adds up

By melikeyturtles - 03/07/2012 15:08 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out my home health patient purposely drinks tons of prune juice every night so I will have a huge mess to clean up in the morning because I'm "a lazy bastard" and I "need to work harder." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 191

You deserved it 2 826

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Same thing different taste

Juicer

By alcomom - 01/07/2020 02:02

Today, I spent ages prepping, chopping, bagging and freezing lots of fruits and veggies for my mom. I also bought her a juicer and alkaline water to help combat some of her health issues. I walked into the kitchen to see her mixing her juice with vodka and rum instead of the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 254

Man child, part 2

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, I was told I'm lazy by my boyfriend because I skipped work. He skips his all the time and when I get home still have to cook and clean up after him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 288

By melikeyturtles - 10/10/2011 04:13 - United States

Today, I went to work as a home health-aid, and found out that my client turns his hearing aid off on purpose because he can't stand my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 548

You deserved it 4 771

By wdones97 - 08/10/2018 14:00

Today, at my job, I was so tired and aggravated that I accidentally mumbled, "I need a drink." One of the patients I was taking care of heard me and said, "Me too." I work at an addiction rehab facility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 915

You deserved it 2 897

By Nick - 13/08/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 404

You deserved it 147 087

Dude, WTF?

By Anonymous - 18/03/2016 20:57 - United States - Valley Stream

Today, my roommate reached a whole new level of laziness: I caught him casually peeing into an empty beer bottle while laying in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 529

You deserved it 1 371

Classic

By Anonymous - 10/02/2022 18:00

Today, my physician, a known drunk himself, told me I was drinking too much and I should quit before my kidneys decide to divorce me and take the house and car with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 845

By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 256

You deserved it 36 923

By crap - 02/07/2019 00:01

Today, I was tired from an all-nighter I'd pulled because I thought I had the next four days off work. I got called in, and went because I have bills to pay. However, the amount of energy drinks I drank to stay on top of my job duties gave me such bad diarrhea, I had to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 631

Relationship goals

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 15:00 - United States - Garner

Today, after I finally recovering from being ill, my husband complained about the house being messy, that I needed to clean up after myself. I filled 2 large tote bags with his stuff laying around the house, and one small stack of medical bills for me. It took me hours to clean. But I'm the messy one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 103

TonyGoCapitals 0

Tuesday 3 July 2012 18:51

Wow what an asshole no prune intended

SkoomaKi 27

Tuesday 3 July 2012 18:56

Put Viagra in that prune juice and see who's laughing.

Comments

olpally 32

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:02

What an off the wall username to go with this FML, lmao... Yeah stop being so lazy op, and clean that shit up already...

emeraldisle 30

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:03

Don't you just love being a nurse sometimes? Cleaning up after patients is always my favourite.

FYLDeep 25

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:07

That must be one sick **** to enjoy making you clean him. I bet he gets off on that type of thing. I can only imagine what kind of disgusting perverted things go through his mind. Am I making you feel any better OP?

bigtaytay 13

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:11

Put a bottle of hot sauce in his next glass of it. So even if he drinks it and poops it'll burn like holy hell

unspeakable1 4

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:14

Put castor oil in it so he will throw up instead of ********

Sharpie23 7

Tuesday 3 July 2012 20:31

yeah, and a first degree murder charge too.

misspulkadot24 17

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:15

Wow, he seems appreciative.

mylifesucks_fml 1

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:19

start asking him what he thinks you SHOULD be doing if he thinks you don't work hard enough. what does he think you are supposed to do? breath for him too?

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:21

*puts on sunglasses* Well that's a shitty situ-...nevermind

perdix 29

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:26

Yeah, it's redundant after I fixed up #8's comment. There's still plenty of room for: "That sucks" and "Aw, I'm sorry." You'll make a lot of friends if you do a reverse FML or a Soviet Russia joke.

SkoomaKi 27

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:29

#24 - *slaps glasses off your face* No! You see this comment is overused, and I have a short fuse. It angers me because its not original, so how about being a little more sensible. You think it's funny? Ha it's not comedy. If you think I'm being mean girl, don't **** with me. Cause guess what? I'M SKOOMAKI.

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:36

26/28- I used my one free pass to make that joke. I haven't used it before. And I didn't see Perdix's correction to #8's comment. My apologies. >.>

KeyboardWarrior 10

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:37

In soviet Russia, prune juice drinks you!

perdix 29

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:50

Today, my home health care worker came over. I hate him so I gorge myself with prune juice before he arrives. The lazy bastard lets me stew in my own shit for hours. FML. Or Today, I am a prune. Many of my friends and relatives are suffering horrible deaths so some old fart can settle a vendetta with his lazy home health care worker. FML.