Work: Suck up - FML

Suck up

By Anonymous - 22/08/2015 06:58 - United States - Cadillac

Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered, "Fucking tryhard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 791

You deserved it 3 416

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Same thing different taste

Goofs and gaffes

By Chelsea - 23/02/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I called my new boss by my old boss's name during a meeting. My new boss said nothing, but just glared at me in silence. Somehow, I think he wasn't impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 221

By texasbest - 02/09/2015 02:39 - United States - Lindale

Today, at my new job, I walked into the office to hear my supervisor and HR manager talking about how, "the new guy isn't very smart, but we can get him to do the shit work for a couple weeks." Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 742

You deserved it 2 016

Workplace etiquette

By Anonymous - 04/03/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my new boss sat me down and told me he's seriously reconsidering my hire, all because I greeted him with, "Howdy, boss!" instead of, "Good morning, sir." Apparently this indicates a lack of respect for his authority. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 455

By Poorman - 11/12/2011 01:03 - United Kingdom

Today, our new boss showed up for his first day of work. I thought I'd seen it all, but he demands that we say "Hail to the King" every time he passes through the office. When I called HR about it, the guy on the other end told me to "man up and deal with it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 309

You deserved it 4 278

Office Space

By Mishlette - 23/01/2015 13:27 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I started at my new job. Turns out my boss is a complete douchebag. He spent most of the day looking over our shoulders and making cuntish comments about our work, then called a guy a piece of shit for farting and forced him to spray disinfectant on his chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 881

You deserved it 2 751

By fabiennemorin35 - 30/08/2016 09:29 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my boss told me that he’d hired me because he thought I looked intelligent. He then went on to say that it was about time that I proved that I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 221

You deserved it 1 497

By Chansus10 - 20/10/2014 15:03 - United States - Greendale

Today, my boss drove past me while I was walking to work, and splashing mud over my uniform. When I got to work, he criticized me for showing up in unpresentable condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 539

You deserved it 2 953

Pleased to me you

By Anonymous - 25/08/2012 00:20 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, a thirty-something guy swaggered into my workplace. He was wearing shutter shades and torn jeans, and claimed to be our new boss. I called security to throw him out, at which point he produced his ID and let me know I'd be attending an employee review session next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 906

You deserved it 8 171

By Earlybird76 - 04/04/2017 09:00 - Canada - Richmond

Today, after 6 months of unemployment and jobs searching, I showed up to my new job 10 minutes early. My new supervisor confusedly greeted me and informed me I was in fact a week and 10 minutes early. HR changed my start date and told everyone but me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 466

You deserved it 333

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 10:17 - United States

Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 855

You deserved it 1 670

Next

Top comments

Soloman212 28

Saturday 22 August 2015 23:51

He's just bitter you'll probably soon replace him.

MrThump 16

Sunday 23 August 2015 0:05

Need to think glass half full here.... At least you know your boss isn't going to ask you to come in early to work!

Comments

jcfrisco 13

Sunday 23 August 2015 8:57

wrecked

Bryce8 11

Sunday 23 August 2015 12:26

Your response should of been, "Damn rights!".

JCep_fml 12

Sunday 23 August 2015 15:18

YDI. If they gave you a specific time to come in then you should have shown up at that time no more than 5 to 10 minutes early.

shemademedoit 20

Sunday 23 August 2015 19:53

he plays too much call of duty

berkeleyjake 13

Monday 24 August 2015 6:05

don't take that as a sign you should show up on time or a few minutes late, this sounds like the kind of assholes who will have a problem with anything you do

addisonrose12 16

Monday 24 August 2015 6:45

Come in late the next day and when he questions you tell him you didn't want to come off as a tryhard or anything like that.

Xion0014 20

Monday 24 August 2015 13:02

But if you take it easy you become "lazy" ...

bellabea 10

Tuesday 25 August 2015 4:52

He sounds like a barrel of monkeys..

mbock 15

Tuesday 25 August 2015 5:16

Haha, your boss sounds wicked awesome

Lightning_Farron 11

Wednesday 26 August 2015 5:24

GEET NO SCOOOOPED 420 BLAZE IT MLG QUAD FEED. tryhard is video game terminology

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The Top

Ahoy ship's boys and girls ! Today we're heading to France. Be ready to face rain, storm and beer because Lille is welcoming us, and believe me, it's not Los Angeles. Do you all have your raincoats? -Bonjour ! First of all, present yourself ma jol...

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 6

Today, I took my hoodie off in public and my shirt accidentally lifted up with it. I've had bad skin problems since I was 12 or 13, and my chest looks horrific as a result. Everyone in my vicinity reacted with horror and called me all sorts of awful names. Nice to know that my appearance makes me that repulsive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 90

The Top

Today, I asked my boyfriend what celebrity I look like. He thought long and hard, then said "Sarah Jessica Parker." I gasped and told him that I find her extremely hideous. He replied "So do I." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 424

You deserved it 8 900

Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that said he wished me a white Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 552

You deserved it 4 276

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 900

You deserved it 2 871

Today, I let my 5 year-old niece walk my 3 month-old husky puppy while I watched. I didn't realize how strong my puppy actually is until she took off running while dragging my niece with her. My niece now has two busted up knees and chin and her mother is now calling my puppy "demon puppy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 265

You deserved it 26 798

Today, I got attacked by my own dog. I don't know what will be harder, telling everyone how my dog thought I was a robber or explaining to them why a 25 year old man owns a poodle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 314

You deserved it 16 492

Today, I put my hamster in his ball, and spent about an hour cleaning his cage. When I came back, I realized he wasn't even alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 888

You deserved it 7 384