Health, Healthy Lifestyle and Poopoo peepee: Relationship goals - FML

Relationship goals

By Anonymous - 17/05/2015 05:10 - United States

Today, my husband missed the toilet again. I would have been less disgusted if he'd peed this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 485

You deserved it 2 696

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Same thing different taste

By lizann - 03/04/2012 05:39 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, for the second time this week, I had to ask my 27-year-old husband to stop peeing on the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 481

You deserved it 4 670

Party animal

By Anonymous - 16/09/2020 02:04

Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 166

Dude, gross!

By juggalo2 - 17/04/2024 03:00 - United States - Troy

Today, I came out of the bathroom and caught my husband peeing against a tree in the backyard. I told him how disgusting that was. He said, "Fine. Back to peeing in the sink." FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 443

By Anonymous - 07/06/2016 07:45

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 890

You deserved it 1 235

By kimmybr - 22/09/2009 09:36 - United States

Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 708

You deserved it 5 589

Wait for the hangover

By Carpet cleaner - 21/02/2012 02:15 - Canada

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 095

You deserved it 2 668

By anti-peecleaner - 22/11/2010 22:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend walked out of the bathroom, informed me he'd accidentally peed on the floor, and told me I could clean it up when I get a chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 422

You deserved it 5 216

By hnickell93 - 09/10/2012 01:55 - United States - Visalia

Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 735

You deserved it 5 398

By Anonymous - 27/06/2015 04:17 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my husband ruined the laundry once again. He forgot to empty his pants pockets before washing them. Last time he left an ink pen in them. This time it was a strawberry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 257

You deserved it 2 612

By susan - 24/02/2010 01:26 - United States

Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 431

You deserved it 3 288

Next

Top comments

tbear4prez 14

Monday 18 May 2015 0:05

I think you actually have to try to miss when pooping...

Patriots21 14

Monday 18 May 2015 0:02

Tell him to place his fartbox over the water, not the toilet seat.

Comments

obliviongillette 18

Monday 18 May 2015 6:32

What a shitty day.

Kidjazzin 17

Monday 18 May 2015 7:45

That's really gross..

Evananjunli 9

Monday 18 May 2015 8:18

I don't see how anybody deserves that.

CosmicElk 26

Monday 18 May 2015 8:43

Firsty, how does one miss a toilet? Secondly, how does one not think to clean up ones own shit off the floor? :D

SookyLala 13

Monday 18 May 2015 8:51

how? are your toilets that dirty that he cant place his ass over the water? (not that its an excuse, not hard to clean) but how do you shit on the floor

Ms_ValS 27

Monday 18 May 2015 8:56

Yes, I say return him back to his mother, with a photo of the crime scene, for a crash course in potty training.

TahoeFMler 22

Monday 18 May 2015 9:48

Foul.

amarie2009 22

Monday 18 May 2015 10:33

He does that on purpose, no way in hell you can miss the toilet even when peeing.

PokeyPorcupine 18

Monday 18 May 2015 12:09

That sounds like a shitty situation there.

Kramer1998 20

Monday 18 May 2015 12:14

Is it bad that I immediately assumed he was masterbating

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The Top

Today, my 15 year-old son told me he had his first kiss. I told him how I was the same age when I had mine, and then I told him all kinds of wild stories about things I did in my childhood and college life. Truth is, I made them all up. I didn't get kissed till I was 24, and laid till I was 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 944

You deserved it 14 033

Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 396

You deserved it 362

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I agree, your life sucks 68 205

You deserved it 4 593

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I agree, your life sucks 38 926

You deserved it 13 470

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I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 212

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I agree, your life sucks 17 491

You deserved it 56 296

Today, campus security called to inform me that my car had been in an accident. I rushed down to the security office to find most of the officers laughing. A portable john blew over on to my car and smashed my rear window. Now, security calls me "Port-A-Potty Guy," and my car smells like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 402

You deserved it 2 307

Today, at daycare, a mother congratulated me for having such a kind and well-behaved little girl. The three daycare workers laughed out loud. One had to sit down. Another wiped away a tear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 165