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FML - The follow-up

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

SOTS4335 Say more :
OP here. Two of my sisters actually ended up beating the shit out of my now ex-girlfriend and moving me and my kids in with them. Kinda hard to defend yourself when you have muscular dystrophy and you spend most of your day in a wheelchair. But Thank GOD I'm done with that psycho-bitch. And fuck those assholes at that therapy session.
By SOTS4335 - / Saturday 16 May 2015 22:16 / United States - Maumelle
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  Eliseopwns  |  22

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  SPFINATOR1993  |  10

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  ChunkMissing  |  10

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  gracehi  |  31

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  DFMLharsh  |  16

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  doodlecloud  |  26

...who says that? Most women I know would agree with 2. :S I'm more surprised that women like the ones OP met still exist. I mean, sure there are women who expect a guy to be all macho and not get put in that situation, but you'd think if you were actually at a counselling session for domestic abuse yourself you'd be a bit more understanding.

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  cristy91  |  33

it really doesn't surprise me that the group acted like that. Like rape, domestic abuse is something that is thought to only happen to a woman and that if any man can't handle himself against a women then he's pitiful. That mentality is disgusting and I'm so sorry you went through that OP, hopefully you can find a communuty which will help you.

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A lot of people can't imagine a guy being beat by their girlfriend. If you're reading this and you're one of those people, look up "25 Domestically Abused Men Reveal Their Horrifying Stories". A huge factor is that men can't retaliate much or else they can go to jail.

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  fakedsincerity  |  32

it's usually other men (but obvs not always) who devalue and mock men for speaking out about abuse, sadly. because they've (we all have) been taught that it's "weak" which is utter bullshit. anyone can be a bully and an abuser and anyone can be abused. you did the right thing for speaking up OP, even if the people were disgusting human beings. whoever the group leader is should be extra ashamed because they're supposed to create a safe space for ALL survivors.

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  Zebediabolical  |  36

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  ThatHorse  |  15

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  jodyl1  |  5

Add the srories of men defending themselves getting punished by law under yge BS "assault/injury of a female" laws, many men don't try to defend themselves because a DV charge can destroy careers, security clearances, and even future dates in this era og background checks being so easy. It is a double-standard that needs to end.

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Honestly, they should have more respect for him than anything. The fact that she did that and he had the sense and the extreme patients to not retaliate is amazing. The women there should realize that SOME men, like the ones they were obviously with, would beat a woman for much less.

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  I_Bite  |  22

#195 I definitely do not agree. As a formally abused woman I can easily say that we don't all think like that at all. I find it disgusting that they laughed. We do not want revenge on all men, yes we would like to see the man who abused us legally punished, yes we have trouble trusting people and after 7 years I still flinch if I have an argument with a partner (waiting for the pain) but we don't intentionally take it out on all men

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  CaroAurelia  |  12

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  Aimeejasmine  |  15

'If the roles reversed..' Shut up. Just stop. No one deserves abuse, and no abuse is more important than other abuse. In either gender swap it's still a horrible act and no one in their right mind would ever tell a man they deserved it, nor a woman. How about you take OPs problem seriously instead of bitching about a different scenario, because that's just not helpful at all.

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  zBLAKEz  |  23

323, but that's what he's saying... He's pointing out that if the roles were reversed then the group would recognize how horrible the abuse is. I'm pretty sure he's on the same side as you, saying the abuse should be taken more seriously.

By  MrDonSalvetti  |  27

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  MrDonSalvetti  |  27

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  Radieal  |  15

Abuse is never the victim's fault. It's not his fault his girlfriend punches him, and by going to a counseling groups he's obviously trying to get help.

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  MrDonSalvetti  |  27

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  Im2Shy  |  16

I'm sure as a man going to this kind of support group was already a hard decision to make knowing the percentage of domestic violence is normally against women. This was probably him at his breaking point of "having put up with it long enough" and if he considered going to a support group in sure he's already tried to talk to her numerous times. OP, you need to call the cops on her when she behaves like this. She'll be arrested, hopefully you will get custody of your children and the arrest might wake her up and allow you both to get great help and advice from the legal system. I'm so sorry, man or woman, NOBODY deserves to be abused.

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  MrDonSalvetti  |  27

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  MrDonSalvetti  |  27

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  AninOnin  |  24

#39, the point is that you are laying the blame on the victim, OP in this case, by saying that he should not "let" his girlfriend abuse him. What you SHOULD have said is "She should not abuse you!" It's not OP's fault at all. It's his girlfriend's fault. You are perpetuating the problem by telling OP that he is responsible for stopping it.

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  doodlecloud  |  26

39 - Do you really think he hasn't tried talking about it? He obviously doesn't enjoy being hit and is aware of the effect this could have on his children. He would definitely have said he doesn't like it before but she is continuing anyway, probably because she knows he won't defend himself physically because he probably doesn't want to hurt her, doesn't want things to escalate and doesn't want the children to see that either. She is taking advantage of his kindess, tolerance and possibly fear. He is in a difficult situation and is not to blame.

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  phaelnb  |  22

#36, domestic violence is almost 50/50. Violence against males is terribly underreported because of what OP said, people laugh at a man being hit by a woman, but men are also taught to never hit a woman, meaning women can hit men and get away with it almost always. For a woman to be convicted of domestic violence she needs to murder or atempt to murder a man, and even then she gets a lighter sentence tha a man would in the same circumstances.

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  its_lance  |  12

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  fakedsincerity  |  32

"let yourself". NOONE lets themselves be abused. there are so many factors involved emotionally, and otherwise. to just dismiss the victim as letting it happen is part of the problem why people don't speak out.

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Why is everyone bashing his comment? He wasn't blaming the op, but yes it is ops fault to some extent. He shouldn't stick around knowing that kinda abuse is around the kids. Communication comes first in a relationship so there is nothin wrong with him saying op should talk to her! If he's not going to leave or report her he needs to reason with her in some way, and get her to understand it isn't right no matter how long it takes him, that or he needs to get up and go!! Good for him for not resorting to violence like his s.o is though and for seeking help even if it is in his own way.

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  marcranger  |  28

You're a motherfucker and a stupid one at that because you do not simply talk to an abuser. Abusers do not see their victims as human beings, at least not really. Talking to his girlfriend will only piss her off and make her at him for having the gall to think he has rights of his own. Please don't go into counseling.

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  AninOnin  |  24

For real! It's such a damn crime. Like fathers watching their children at a park and people thinking they're pedophiles. That's so messed up :( Down with the patriarchy!

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  JKPwnage  |  25

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  teentee401  |  36

Well it's the patriarchy that says that men are all either violent wife beaters or creepy pedophiles. It also sets the standards for masculinity, which is why OP was laughed at in the domestic abuse group. So patriarchy would be right.

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  ImTheAlpha  |  30

Actually it's still an effect of the patriarchy. The logic goes "girls are weak, therefore guys are strong. Girls get abused and need help, abused guys are wimps and just need to stand up for themselves". Pretty much any stereotype does reflect back, and not necessarily in a good way.

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  brand125  |  17

in school a girl was picking on me and she ended up suddenly grabbing my head and hair with her hands after i was telling her to stop talking about me, so i tried to pull her hands off of my head because she was pulling me down. teacher thought it was more my fault, and i was called a woman beater for a week by people in the halls. hmmm i love these double standards in society

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  a1_z9  |  10

I think society has big problems seeing men as predators and women as prey, whether it's due to a patriarchy or not! You see th e effects everywhere - like people thinking 'gay' is a good insult for a sensitive man or telling women to cover themselves up because men have no brains. It encourages everyone to absolve themselves of responsibility for their own actions, these people have absolved themselves of their responsibility to listen to the OP and take him seriously, I hope someone reminds them of it.

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  Randomxnp  |  10

Wow have you drunk the feminist koolaid! First, conspiracy theories like "The Patriarchy" are as dumb as anything on the kookier side of the internet. Second we know exactly where the laughing at men who get abused by women comes from: women. The masculine definition of masculinity is that you don't hit women. This means that an abused man is often a masculine man: unless he is like the OP and illness means he cannot defend himself adequately (hardly his fault, and potentially deserving of manly honour in his coping with illness) then if most men really hit back the abuse would end in her broken bones. That a man is being abused means he has not harmed a woman even to defend himself (OP and sisters take great credit for abandoning this woman while protecting his kids). That is perhaps crazy, but I never heard any respectable concept of manliness that allowed a man to hit a woman. Women do laugh at or look down on men who are abused. A certain type of woman (always single or unfaithful) will laugh at a man she sees as weak. Of course some of the "tough" men those women date turn out to be only tough towards women, and they end up in the meeting laughing at the man who refuses to hit even an abusive woman. The other type who laughs is the modern feminist. These are foul, arrogant, ignorant misandrists who have mugs labelled "Men's Tears", wear "boys are stupid, throw rocks at them" T-shirts and use the hashtag #killallmen. They are a disgusting breed. I suspect some of them attend domestic violence support groups for two reasons: those who pretend or even imagine they are abused because modern feminism is all about a desperation to identify oneself as a victim are there for the status, and the hypocrites who claim feminism makes them tough and who demand a self-identified feminist man - who beats them because he doesn't understand masculinity - who are genuine victims who need help but hate men.

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  MzZombicidal  |  36

#304, idk what the fuck you're on about in half of your post but you're extremely full of tons of shit if you think feminists just want men gone/hurt/dead. That's fucking dumb. Those people aren't feminists. Those people are just cynical assholes. A true feminist wants equality. A true feminist does not get joy in a man being abused because he/she feels it's some sort of fucking game. You've been dealing with assholes for far too long if you truly believe that those people are feminists.

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  Aimeejasmine  |  15

#304 what the hell are you on. You're talking about men haters... That's as clear as day. How many more times do People have to scream the feminism does NOT equal misandry, hence the fact they're different god damn words smh.. #310 has pretty much put this well enough already but you can never dismiss a misogynist enough. That twisted thinking that women are out to get men is ridiculous.. We just want respect why can't people just give us that without making the whole thing centered around themselves. This isn't about you, its about equality. Your outdated, misinformed, prejudiced thinking will not stop feminists fighting for equality.

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  Randomxnp  |  10

Hahaha - have you seen what is happening in current feminism? Have you looked at Twitter? Have you seen #GamerGate? Have you seen the response to a scientist, who was in the news not because of his great accomplishment but because of his shirt? Have you seen the death threats to MRAs, that forced their first world meeting to be moved? Have you seen female activists against feminism thrown out of a comic convention they had paid to attend, against the written standards of that convention for daring to criticise feminism? Have you seen the feminists support women who falsely accuse men of rape, trying to ruin their lives? The feminists who lie that false rape claims are rare and lie that rape is common? Two crimes of roughly equal severity, one the feminists exaggerate by a factor of 30 the other they reduce, by possibly a similar factor. One they demand is punished even in absence of evidence, the other they demand is never even suggested regardless of all evidence. Modern feminists are disgusting. They are bigots. It should be as shameful to admit being a feminist in today's movement as it is to be racist.

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  Aimeejasmine  |  15

328- I like those made up figures that emphasise your hatred for the movement. All those points you mentioned there, ask yourself, are those about equality? No? Then they are not the work of feminism. You idiot. Anyone can claim to be a member of a group to avoid personal attack for their misandry, I could say right now 'as a woman all women believe "blah blah blah"' but that does not mean I speak for all women now does it. Whether you like it or not feminism is about equality. That's it. Now gtfo with your ridiculous views because they don't belong here. And it even compare an equality movement with racism because some misandrist bitch called herself a feminist when she spoke about that slur 'male tears' shows how butthurt you are that some stranger attacked the MRA movement for whatever reason. Do you even hear yourself? You compared an attitude that's costed millions upon millions of black lives to a movement dedicated to ironing out the flaws in our society today, for BOTH genders. Don't play victim to a group that's designed to help you ffs.

By  josh8215  |  21

Find a new group. You deserve better than that. You'd think other women who had all felt abuse FIRST HAND themselves should know better than to laugh. Wasn't there a trained counselor keeping things under control?

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  theTravinator  |  21

I was thinking the same thing, how the FUCK could women who have been abused firsthand even have the ability to laugh- let alone the audacity to laugh as well. Unbelievable.

By  JenRae93  |  12

Find a new group OP. DV isn't ok no matter what your gender is and you should be able to talk freely about it without getting laughed at. Props to you for seeking help like that even if it did end poorly. Don't let this discourage you though; there's gotta be more than one group you can go to.

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