Intimacy and Sex: Quickie - FML

Quickie

By Disappointed - 04/09/2020 20:08 - Austria

Spicy

Today, my 6-minute-long-shower lasted 3 times as long as the sex prior to it. Including foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 269

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Same thing different taste

By Sooz - 03/10/2013 01:18 - Canada - Abbotsford

Spicy

Today, after 6 months of sex, my boyfriend showered himself with praise for managing, for the first time ever, to stretch the act out to a full minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 400

You deserved it 5 833

By anonymous - 11/02/2012 05:57 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He swore it wouldn't be 2 minutes long this time. He was right. It was 3 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 973

You deserved it 5 636

By Anonymous - 11/01/2013 05:17 - United States - Pass Christian

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 509

You deserved it 6 685

Quickie

By cantgetitupcantgetiton - 14/01/2010 01:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 408

You deserved it 3 242

Time waster

By le_evan - 29/10/2012 20:49 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 437

You deserved it 6 689

By Anonymous - 13/06/2015 01:56 - United States - Ithaca

Today, my mother told me to take a quick shower. When I got out, she told me I took too long, and now I have to pay the utilities bill. My shower was two minutes long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 854

You deserved it 2 141

Poor performance

By Anonymous - 28/12/2022 03:00

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with my husband and orgasmed. Three hours apart from each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 309

Great timing

By letdown - 19/07/2020 14:01

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with a coworker I’d been flirting with for nearly 2 and half years. The sex lasted less than 2 and a half minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 717

Standing to attention

By Anonymous - 27/04/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, I told my girlfriend that for whatever reason I find it really difficult to orgasm stood up in the shower, she immediately demanded sex in the shower on the basis that without my orgasm maybe I’ll finally last long enough for her to orgasm first, or even at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 1 868

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - 10/10/2022 18:30 - Turkey

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I haven't had sex for a long time, so when she got out of the shower I was ready on our bed to finally do it. Her response? "Really? Now? I just got out of the shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 481

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Friday 4 September 2020 20:41

Did you have enough time to rub one out in the shower?

alex_jaguara 31

Friday 4 September 2020 23:51

Sometimes no sex life is better than a bad one. Damn I am lucky.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Friday 4 September 2020 20:41

Did you have enough time to rub one out in the shower?

alex_jaguara 31

Friday 4 September 2020 23:51

Sometimes no sex life is better than a bad one. Damn I am lucky.

genuinegoodguy 9

Saturday 5 September 2020 0:07

Now that is sad and definitely something to work on.

bloopaloop 27

Saturday 5 September 2020 1:25

Well if you’re getting paid for it that’s pretty good!

TCRII 29

Saturday 5 September 2020 3:10

Let the shower get steamy hot, then jump in for 30 seconds. Now your sex will be 4 times as long as a steamy hot shower. Problem solved - you are welcome.

sickerthanyou 13

Monday 7 September 2020 4:59

I don’t know what you complain about, lasting 2 minutes should be a complement!

Jonkbaby 22

Wednesday 9 September 2020 14:18

Solution? take longer showers

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The Top

Today, I asked out a girl I’ve been hanging out with for a few months. She said, “That’s kind of gross.” When I asked her about, it she said, “My friends will think you’re creepy” followed by, “You’re not actually a creep, they say you look like one.” I groom myself every day like a normal person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 101

Today, one of my friends confessed his love for me and said he wanted to be more than friends. Jaded by guys who only wanted one thing, I pushed him away saying, “Oh really, is that what you think you need to say to get in my pants?” He frowned and stormed off. Later, I found out he really did want a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 822

The Top

Today, I got punched in the face by a girl for asking if she was okay after I had seen her crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 490

You deserved it 5 185

Today, I found out that when my best friend and I were kids, our parents would cancel playdates when either of us opted to not go to church. They said it would, "strengthen our faith." We are now both adults and staunch atheists for that reason, and we're spending way more time together to make up for this crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 138

Today, I came home early to find my (now ex) girlfriend having a screaming argument with my son, because he caught her trying to burn pictures of my late wife. I'm back to being single, but at least I can be proud of my son for standing up to her (he's usually very timid). Can't believe I was dating that psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 453

You deserved it 105

Today, I found out that you can give your grandpa a Vietnam flashback when you set off a leftover firecracker from New Years. I also found out that a 76 year old hits pretty fucking hard when freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 243

You deserved it 8 364

Today, it’s almost half past midnight. I received a drunken voicemail from my husband saying that he won’t be coming home tonight because he’s too drunk to drive, but don’t worry, he’s staying at "Cindy’s house", safe and sound. Who's Cindy? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 115

Today, I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes, to which he replied, "Try jogging asshole" then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 190

You deserved it 3 759