Intimacy: Not the nuggets!

Not the nuggets!

By Anon - 27/06/2018 20:30

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing for 5 months over. We got some chicken nuggets, but didn’t eat because he stripped my clothes off and we started having sex. Out of nowhere, he said, "I can’t do this!" and left. He took the chicken nuggets with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 905

You deserved it 490

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Same thing different taste

By bertiebeth - 02/08/2014 05:35 - Australia - Padstow

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 767

You deserved it 4 029

Sometimes it's better to be ghosted

By Slob - 15/05/2022 10:00

Today, the guy I’ve been seeing ghosted me. I called, and he answered on the fourth call. He said, “Listen, you’re too fat for me and you eat like a slob everytime we go out to eat. Try getting a salad instead of chicken wings and onion rings, and maybe you’ll keep a man. Do it for your health too.” and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 627

By Tallulah - 29/07/2011 06:56 - United Kingdom

Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 433

You deserved it 6 564

By Anonymous - 19/05/2018 01:30

Today, after dating a guy for 2 months, things seemed to be going well. I offered to buy dinner and trusted he would keep in mind that I'm a college student on a budget. He picked the restaurant, ran up the bill over $100, made me pay, and dumped me right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 157

You deserved it 668

Niles Crane wannabe

By that’s crazy - 12/02/2023 17:00 - United States

Today, I felt comfortable enough to invite the guy I’ve been seeing over to my apartment for the first time. Things immediately got weird when he started to inspect my place top to bottom to make sure it was “clean to his standards”. I told him to leave when he started going in my closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 106

By ninja breakup? - 11/10/2018 14:00

Today, my boyfriend of six years came home wearing a ninja suit. When I asked why, he said "These are my breakup clothes. I'm breaking up with you." He then screamed, threw a plastic shuriken at me and ran away. It hit me in the breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 605

You deserved it 348

By lonerboner - 03/10/2012 13:47 - United States

Today, I went on a date to the movies with this guy I kinda like. When he was driving me home, he asked me to be his girlfriend; I said I couldn’t because it was really bad timing. He kicked me out of the car, called me an asshole, and made me walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 054

You deserved it 37 230

By Clementine - 27/11/2012 11:36 - Australia - Saint Kilda

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly called the waiter over and paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returned, he broke up with me for "emasculating" him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 177

You deserved it 4 625

By me - 12/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I had only been dating him for about a month. Thinking he wouldn't take it very hard, I invited him over so I could tell him in person. Little did I know he was going to start crying on my couch and not leave for 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 128

You deserved it 10 733

Last dates

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 17:00

Today, a guy I've been dating for a year asked me to meet him for dinner and a couple of drinks. After dinner, he confessed that he's been seeing another woman and has decided he wants to seek a relationship with her. He then told me how sex with me is great, but he didn't want me to continue being "the other woman." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 137

You deserved it 227

GMSP 18

Wednesday 27 June 2018 20:58

That's just not right, nobody deserves to be teased with nuggets only to have them taken away.

Sinshine 28

Wednesday 27 June 2018 23:08

Guess he chickened out.

Comments

Earl_KarmasBitch 34

Thursday 28 June 2018 1:14

He wasn't loving it.

Charlie Given 26

Thursday 28 June 2018 2:00

Captain she can't take anymore I need those NUGGETS!!!

wanted_2_want 40

Thursday 28 June 2018 2:06

He succumbed to the bigger temptation.

Lobby_Bee 17

Thursday 28 June 2018 5:07

How bad was the sex?

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 28 June 2018 6:34

I’ll bet that when he was in you, he was reminded that his nuggets were getting cold.

openawhole00 6

Thursday 28 June 2018 10:56

is this before or after your "water" leaked on the seat of his uber car?

Nadine 21

Thursday 28 June 2018 17:24

This is my favorite FML ever.

Kate Amanda 2

Thursday 28 June 2018 21:29

I mean it's possible he just couldn't get it up it's not that rare and prob took the nuggets to feel better about the weird situation

freeprk 3

Friday 29 June 2018 23:47

I’m soo so sorry .... I can’t believe he took your chicken nuggets

chris_lillo 15

Saturday 30 June 2018 3:15

Not finishing in sex is one thing but taking away the nuggets?! What a monster

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The Top

Today, I told my husband to stop his friendship with our neighbor’s 17 year-old daughter. They claim they just play video games together, but lately he’s been uninterested in sex and barely shows me any affection. He vehemently said, “It’s not like we’re fucking or anything! Chill!” and stormed out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 122

Today, my husband and I have officially become that couple that has to schedule sex. Between his working, my going back to school, raising kids, doing housework and homework, we just haven’t had time. Last night we tried to be spontaneous and get it on. We both fell asleep. FML

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 1 964

You deserved it 193

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I agree, your life sucks 26 401

You deserved it 7 622

Today, I prepared for my first date in two years. I shaved my legs, did my hair and nails, painted my face, found the perfect outfit, then waited for hours for a man who never came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 260

You deserved it 326

Today, I learned that "Officer, I do not consent to any searches" means "Officer, please handcuff me, I am trying to be difficult" in cop speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 445

You deserved it 23 803

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I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 1 200

Today, my three idiot nephews dug up a vintage bomb while "digging a hole to China." I told them not to touch it, and went in to call the police. As I did so, they took it to a pawn shop to sell as an antique. The pawn shop called the cops on them, and the cops are now on to me as they're crying, saying selling it was my idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 89