Awkward and Intimacy: Not now - FML

Not now

By Wife - 08/08/2011 00:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 460

You deserved it 6 650

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Same thing different taste

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 488

You deserved it 11 066

By Shantwozzlah - 26/03/2012 16:15 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 840

You deserved it 3 581

Communication tool

By Anonymous - 10/10/2012 21:48 - Canada - Winnipeg

Spicy

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 321

You deserved it 6 181

By sammy18f - 24/02/2015 03:46 - United States - Brentwood

Spicy

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 104

You deserved it 3 781

By mentallyscarred - 31/01/2011 09:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 147

You deserved it 4 703

By whatnot - 04/08/2011 04:04 - Canada

Spicy

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year-old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 616

You deserved it 3 261

By fmlalways - 22/01/2011 13:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 759

You deserved it 5 146

By someoneneedsassistance - 24/04/2015 15:07 - United States - Woodford

Spicy

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 336

You deserved it 4 028

Road rage gone feral

By 16590 - 15/06/2012 22:13 - Sweden

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified, me or him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 327

You deserved it 4 844

By forever damaged - 21/12/2015 04:24 - United States - Wallkill

Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 700

You deserved it 1 639

Next

Top comments

Jacobt24 19

Monday 8 August 2011 8:52

He wanted you to head south if you know what I mean

jumpshot23 0

Monday 8 August 2011 8:51

He was pretending to drive a standard. Don't take his fun away.

Comments

1966mustanggt350 4

Tuesday 9 August 2011 8:56

ugh. y u got to be so mean

thalierrr 5

Tuesday 9 August 2011 10:26

Lmao don't ruin his fun

AhhBrenid 8

Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:10

Cant blame the man if he wants some lovin. Lol

nicknunn 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 18:35

dang i definetly checked.to.make.sure this wasnt my wife posting this....

eleutheros 3

Wednesday 10 August 2011 23:21

You, my dear sir, are my personal hero for today! I bow before you!

Tmnicholson724 0

Wednesday 10 August 2011 1:20

Why is this an fml?? This is a weekly occurrence for me! lol Its a guy thing... my 11 month old discovered his, and now he takes his diapers off to get to it.. some little boys just never grow out of it! haha Honestly.. if YOU had one.. you honestly think you wouldn't play with it?? lol

LightUpThaJay 3

Wednesday 10 August 2011 2:44

Kinky!

iluvdavid 3

Wednesday 10 August 2011 4:41

ROAD HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

funfofa 1

Wednesday 10 August 2011 6:55

And it was out becaaaauuse??

littlemissgrace 15

Sunday 14 August 2011 5:34

I can totally see my boyfriend doing that xP fortunately I see the humor in it instead of complaining about it on the Internet. YDI for being the sort of nagging wife that gives women a bad rep.

ratkiller_fml 2

Monday 15 August 2011 2:14

So, what's wrong with that? I do it all the time .

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The Top

Today, I had the cops called on me for acting suspiciously. I was using a payphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 678

You deserved it 4 012

Today, my girlfriend snores like a lumberjack. Even when I leave to sleep on the couch, I can still hear her through the door. She won’t go to the doctor because, "snoring runs in her family and they’re all just fine." Yeah, uh huh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 136

Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 920

You deserved it 2 768

Today, I went to the location of me and my wife’s first date, because I miss her and barely get to see her because of our work schedules. Only to see her there on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 754

You deserved it 206

Today, after feeling like I've been sucking as a friend and contacting a friend who has called me their best friend, but doesn't talk to me much, we grabbed a coffee. The whole time I was trying to have a conversation, she was on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 185

Today, my boyfriend got a new tattoo. It was a big tattoo of Pikachu on his hip. I told him now I'd feel like I was having sex with an 8-year-old boy. His defense? "No, no, think of it as having sex with Pikachu!" He still refuses to understand why that's weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 562

You deserved it 5 905