Intimacy: Mix up

Mix up

By Jon - 07/06/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages, she said, "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said, "But it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 194

You deserved it 79 284

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Same thing different taste

You OK hun?

By notexactly - 29/12/2009 00:48 - Sweden

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 125

You deserved it 3 329

By Anonymous - 02/09/2017 00:00 - United States

Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 814

You deserved it 4 000

Oddly specific

By RowerBud - 02/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 915

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 200

You deserved it 56 609

By Lockedinroom - 05/02/2013 16:18 - United States

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 400

You deserved it 13 912

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 854

You deserved it 11 965

By Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 040

You deserved it 2 945

By Bluetooth Connection - 01/10/2018 03:00

Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 4 459

Cool off

By chumleevil - 08/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 235

You deserved it 3 504

Addicted to love

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 1 119

koda_fml 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:32

Why would anyone open up to their mom about masturbation.

breakthesky 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:16

Nice. Maybe she thinks you meant texting feels good and every guy does it too? Right? Right? :/

Comments

Chfanfiction 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 18:58

Uhhh...I have better things to do. It's like not playing baseball: I might like it if I did, but I don't. It's not an earth-shattering decision.

nickymax_fml 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 19:04

Well the difference is that contrary to baseball you don't need a lot of ligistics to give it a try. In fact you already have everything on you !

dizzyyy 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 19:04

Ahahahahaa! That's pretty embarrassing..

boomerang247 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 19:20

#7 is weiirrrddd.

TheLetterZero 7

Sunday 7 June 2009 19:33

#63 Masturbation is not a "big" decision. It's just something people can do in their spare time. Seriously, there's too many people here treating masturbation like a religion. God isn't going to come down and smite you if you don't "practice" it every day. Lighten up!

krispykreem 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 19:40

Get a girlfriend.

Chfanfiction 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 19:40

Thaaaank yoooou (#68). /stewievoice

shostakovich 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 19:47

What is it with people (like #69 — oddly an apt post number) asking those who are public about their masturbation habits to "get a girlfriend"? It's not as if having a girlfriend automatically destroys one's need to satisfy oneself. Ever heard about how Woody Allen would prepare for his dates? As for the OP, I think you should have played along as if you were telling a joke. That's probably how I would interpret it if I were told that.